Letting the Tears Fall

So, we prepared for mission Capture Tenele. I had a basketball game later that morning, so we had to get her before the game. I called Tenele and told her we were coming to get her. She said, “okay” and I asked her to meet us at the kitchen and she said, “okay” but of course didn’t do it. So, the five of us ladies split up at Mangwaneni to find her. Alex and I asked a few of the kids where Tenele stayed (I didn’t remember how to get there…it’s like a maze going through all the huts that look the same).

A few of the kids knew the general area and one girl brought us to Tiny. (Tiny was the one who first showed Titi and I to Tenele when I first got to Swazi.) After exchanging greetings and hugs with her, she took us to Tenele. Surprised but seemingly happy to see that I made it through the maze to her house, Tenele greeted me. Her and Nomphilo were washing dishes and clothes. She was standing outside her house, and I took a step towards it and asked if I could see inside.

“No!” she said quickly putting her hands against my arms. And she laughed and pretended like there was nothing to hide. But I respected her request and didn’t go inside. The hut was small and square, but the door was partway open so I could see one end, which was very tidy and had their shoes all lined up and the dishes washed and stacked. As I told them, “asembeni!” (let’s go) they went inside to change and I heard a man’s voice as they talked quietly. They finally came out and we successfully completed Capture Tenele. (It wasn’t as hard as I had anticipated.)

Eilidh took the girls to the nurse to get Tenele’s bandage changed. Again, not a single tear. While they were with the nurse, I went to my basketball warm-ups. We were supposed to play the National South African team, so we needed to get some good practice in. Eilidh brought the girls over later to watch. But by this time, I was sweating profusely because of the intense heat and the South African team still hadn’t shown up yet. So I went to sit with the girls in the shade. Tenele tried to tell me she was going to leave, and I asked her to stay until after my game so that I could talk to her. She didn’t seem like she was going to comply.

Zanele, one of my Swazi friends who had told me she was willing to counsel Tenele if she wanted, came over to talk to us and asked Tenele what happened to her foot. They spoke in SiSwati, but I could figure out what they were generally saying by the look on Zanele’s face and her repetitive, “Unemanga,” telling Tenele she was lying. I asked Zanele about it a few minutes later when we were alone and Zanele said she didn’t believe Tenele’s story about “stepping on a knife.” When I told Zanele the whole story Zanele was disgusted that I am still trying to help her.

“Why are you wasting your time and money on her when there are other girls who are willing to change and take your help?”

I was a bit taken back by this disgust she had for Tenele, but I guess that’s what most people see Tenele as anyway…a waste of time. But not me. She’s not a waste of time and it kind of offended me that Zanele said that about her…after all, she is like my daughter. In fact, the other volunteers said, “she’s your child, of course you have to help her.” They understand, and it’s so wonderful to have support. But what Zanele had to say afterwards was much more helpful.

I told Zanele about Tenele’s background and that her step mom had forced her to have sex with other men for money, and Zanele’s venomous attitude towards Tenele suddenly changed. I told her about the boyfriend she is staying with and how he beats her and she said that most women (especially Swazis because women depend so fully on men here)in abusive relationships never leave. They are more scared of leaving rather than being beat. She also told me that someone needs to sit down with Tenele and tell her the truth about things and not take her lies, etc. After talking with Zanele, I knew I had to sit down with Tenele and have a one-on-one conversation, telling her the truth and that I know the truth and not to lie, etc.

So, while the South African team was still absent, I asked Tenele to come with me so we could talk. When she asked Nomphilo to come with, I gently said, “No, just you…” and Eilidh stayed with Nomphilo while a took an uneasy Tenele to some shaded steps to sit and talk.

I prayed earlier that morning in my journal about what to do and say because I had no longer have any idea how to help my child. In my journal, I prayed:

“I don’t want to spend my efforts in vain. Lead the way. Blow your trumpet of victory over Tenele’s life right now. Whisper to my head and my heart what I should do, what I should say. I am at a loss for words and direction.”

As we talked on those steps, God truly answered this prayer in a way I never expected.

At first I tried reasoning with Tenele about the stab wound, but she wouldn’t tell me the truth, then I tried addressing the fact that she lives with a boyfriend, but again she refused and refused no matter what I said. I told her that I KNOW the TRUTH because people from Mangwaneni told me and that no matter how much she lies, I know the truth. She said, “I keep trying to tell you but you just keep saying, ’unemanga’ (you’re lying).”

“Tenele, it’s because you ARE lying.”

She just didn’t get it.

I turned away in bitter frustration at her stubbornness. We sat quietly for a few moments looking away from each other. I sighed with helpless defeat and rubbed my forehead as tears started welling up in my eyes.
“Don’t cry,” came her quiet voice as she looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t cry.”
And from this point on, I have no idea what all came out of my mouth, but it definitely came from the whispers of the Lord. At one point she finally admitted she had a boyfriend and stayed with him, but beyond that, she wouldn’t tell me anything. But the words that came out went something like this:

“Tenele, you know how much I love you…”

“Yes, Mary-Kate, I know.”

“Tenele, I love you no matter what. I know you don’t want to tell me the truth, but I already know it, Tenele. I already know what you’ve been through, and I can’t imagine it. Are you scared to tell me the truth? Ashamed? Don’t be scared or ashamed to tell me. Tenele, it doesn’t change what I think of you or how I treat you. I love you…even when you’re drunk…” I paused to see if she would oppose this statement, as she usually would, but she didn’t. She hung her head and soaked in every word that came from my mouth.

“I love you even if you smoke. I love you even if you sleep with your boyfriend. Okay? I love you and that won’t change.” She nodded and her eyes started getting glossy, still she wouldn’t look up.

I continued, “Tenele, I know what you’ve been through and I hate it. I hate what your step-mom did to you, I hate that your boyfriend beats you…I hate that you have been through so much suffering. I know what you’ve been through, yet I don’t know how it feels. You hide your pain so well, Tenele. I cannot imagine how much pain you are covering up. I don’t understand what you go through. But Tenele, you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve to get beat, you don’t deserve…” and as I talked on, she started really crying.

She covered her face with her hands, but the tears streamed through the creases between her fingers. I told her about a love that she deserves and I told her about a love that she is worthy of and I told her that I wished she believed it. I told her how I want to help her, but I can’t unless she lets me see the truth. And on I talked, I wish I remembered what all I said, but it doesn’t matter. I asked her if I should pray with her. She nodded.

So, with my hand on her bald head as she leaned into my embrace I prayed…and prayed…and the more I prayed for her the harder she cried. And we sat there for a few minutes when I had finished praying and she kept crying. The South African team had arrived during all of this but we were relocating courts, so I was supposed to have left earlier, but I didn’t. The coach came back for me, so I asked Tenele if she would come with to watch my game and spend the day with me; I told her it would mean a lot to me. She sat there still crying but said she would come.

As we left to go to the courts, she was very closed off. She was so sad, and I didn’t know what to do or say. She wouldn’t really respond to me. She wouldn’t respond to Eilidh or Nomphilo either. But no one else knew what we had talked about or why Tenele was crying. But apparently, even during my game Eilidh said that Tenele refused to come close to other people who were watching the game because she was still crying. She let Eilidh comfort her and Eilidh told her how much we all loved her, but she kept crying, avoiding looking at anyone.

After the game, I sat with her as she was in this same state (she had stopped crying) and was very closed off. It was like she had let me see a deep and painful, vulnerable part of her and then she realized that she let me in and then retreated, closing off worse than before. Eilidh left and we stayed to watch the guys’ game. I couldn’t get anything out of Tenele the whole time. It started scaring me a little bit, because I though, Oh no, she’s worse than before. I tried making her laugh, smile, talk to me...I asked her if she would talk to me but she shook her head no. She refused my offers to get her lunch. Finally, as I sat next to her, I bowed my head to pray, telling the Lord I had no idea what to do. I didn’t even really know what to pray for…so I prayed ten Hail Marys and an Our Father. When I looked up, it was like I could feel a change already. It was weird…but awesome feeling.

Sure enough, as we got up to go home, slowly Tenele’s attitude changed. I said to her, “You know Tenele, last night a few volunteers and I were going to bring some mattresses and come sleep at Mangwaneni just to make sure you were okay,” (which we actually had thought about doing for like one second before stating the obvious…WAAAAY TOO dangerous for any female to be going there especially at night.) But at this statement a huge smile spread across Tenele’s face. And I made some more small talk with her. When we got to the house, she accepted my offer to get her food, water, and some 7up. As I came out of the kitchen to bring them food and drink, Tenele had already picked up a book and was busy trying to read while Nomphilo strummed a few strings on the guitar. Tenele-Bell was back.

I gave Tenele an early Christmas present; it was a book called “Runaway Bunny.” It was one of my favorite books as a child and Tenele picked it up to read one day awhile back and as she read it outloud to me, I realized how incredibly perfect this book is for her! I wrote in the book about why I wanted to give it to her and the message of the book is a reflection of my love for her, but more importantly that it’s God’s love for her. That no matter how many times she tries to run away, God will NEVER stop loving her and chasing after her. She cherished it. I played some guitar and sang some worship songs as they read some books.

Then Tenele taught me a card game and Michel, another new volunteer, joined Nomphilo, Tenele, and I in an intense card game full of laughter and joy. Soon, the girls said they needed to go. I told Tenele that they both could stay here for the night if they wished.

“Tomorrow, Mary-Kate,” Tenele smiled.
“Tenele, you said that yesterday,” I rolled my eyes, knowing it was her way of saying a polite no.
“But I will tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I just smiled.

On the way home, Tenele hummed the song, “Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord,” as I had played it on guitar earlier. I asked her to think about our conversation earlier and how if she wanted to leave Mangwaneni, I would do whatever I could to get her out safely. The problem is she doesn't know how to leave. That's her life, and she's scared to leave it. I didn't understand why she would deny an opportunity to stay at my house for a night to help her with her foot and give her food, etc., but when I think about it, I realize she's probably afraid to...maybe it would be worse with the "boyfriend" if she stayed for a night...I don't know. But what I do know is something BIG happened that day. Something really BIG. She let me see her pain, and moreover she let herself see her pain. She's being broken, which is what I have been praying for, because now she can be built back up with healing and strength, more beautiful than ever before.

She didn't let me see her cry when she was stabbed, but she opened up her hurting heart to me and finally let the tears fall. I pray God will soon change these tears into healing rain. It's a long process to help Tenele and to see her actually change, but I KNOW it's coming. Please pray with me for this day!


Playing cards!


Tenele and I before my basketball game...and right before our talk.

Stepped on a "fork knife" or STABBED?

After the splendid meeting with Tenele as told in the previous blog posts, I didn’t hear from her in a over a week. She said she’d meet me, but never did, and when I looked for her in Mangwaneni, I met Nomphilo but no Tenele. Her phone was dead, and the one time I got through a man answered and claimed he didn’t know what I was talking about in asking for Tenele. Finally, I got a “please call me” message from Tenele’s number early on Wednesday morning. (The “please call me” message is a free text you can send to others if you don’t have any airtime.) I called the number back but it was busy. A few minutes later I received two more “please call me”s, so I called and again and heard Tenele’s distant and strange voice on the other end.

“Mary-Kate you come today?”
“You’re coming today?” I asked her, because when she usually sends me messages like that when she’s coming to town to meet me.
“No…can you come to Mangwaneni?”
This was a surprisingly odd request. She never asks me to meet her there.
“Yes…what time?”
“Twelve o’clock,” she said quickly.

Before I could ask if she was okay, she hung up. But I knew something was wrong by her voice. I anxiously waited until lunch time and took Eilidh with me to meet Tenele. Tenele had said she’d meet me at the kitchen in front of the carepoint, but she of course wasn’t there. I really hate going through the squatter camp to find her, but sometimes we just have to do things we don’t want to do. So Eilidh and I both went through the camp to find her. I stopped at the normal spot where I usually find her (a mini bar/shack place), but the people sitting out there said she wasn’t around. After trying to make small talk and prodding further about where she is, one guy laughed and said, “she’s drunk.”

“Where?” I asked again, getting annoyed they wouldn’t tell me where she was.
Then he pointed further down the squatter camp and said, “she lives over there.”

“Do you know which one?”

“No, but Sphiwe knows,” he smiled and out came a girl who seemed annoyed the guy had identified her.

“Can you show me?” I asked her.

Without saying anything, she nodded and took me through the squatter camp. As we were coming around the corner of a hut, she called out something in SiSwati and Nomphilo came out and when she saw me, drew back with surprise. Sphiwe disappeared before I could thank her. I gave Nomphilo a hug and then Tenele came hobbling over.

“What happened to your foot?” I asked in shock as I saw her foot was wrapped with some gauze and still bleeding.

“Stepped on a fork knife,” she muttered as she hugged me. (FYI: she wasn’t drunk like the guy claimed.)

“Oh my gosh…are you okay?”

She just smiled. By the way she acted, it seemed as though it was just a small cut and not a big deal. So I convinced them to come with us to a holiday program that we were holding at the sports hall. On the drive down to the hall, I asked her further about her foot and she said when her and Nomphilo went to fetch water Tenele had stepped on a “fork knife” and it had gone all the way through her foot.

“What?!” I exclaimed. “It went through your foot?”

She nodded. When I parked the car, I asked to look at the wound. She unwrapped the gauze and sure enough, it was bleeding on both top and bottom of her foot. Except…the wound on top was bigger than the wound on the bottom. The one on the bottom was just a puncture wound. She definitely did not step on a “fork knife” as she claimed. But I didn’t say anything just yet.

“Tenele, you need to see a nurse or doctor. Can we take you to the clinic nurse?”

She nodded yes.
The clinic nurse wasn’t there (which is free because it’s a part of MYC and since I volunteer it wouldn’t have cost anything). So we went to St. Teresa’s clinic. While we were waiting a long time at the clinic, I learned how painful it was for Tenele. She said she was crying all night long and couldn’t sleep. She said that Nomphilo was the one who sent me the please call me messages because Tenele was still crying in the morning, and when I talked to Tenele that morning, the reason she sounded so strange was because she was trying not to cry on the phone. I couldn’t believe this poor girl had been through all that pain and still pretending like it was NOTHING when she saw me!

Tenele asked me to go into the room with her to meet with the nurse, and then we had to wait another hour to meet with the doctor. The nurse never questioned Tenele’s story, though we both knew that it wasn’t right. The wound on top was about the width of a knife, and when I tried explaining to Tenele that I didn’t believe her, she kept saying she was telling the truth. “Tenele, look…” I tried showing her. "The wound on top is bigger than the one on the bottom so it had to have gone through the top of your foot, which means someone must’ve stabbed you.”

Again, she refused to admit it, so I left it alone. I took her to my house and I made them pancakes, which they had never had before. I gave Tenele a sock to put over her bare foot to keep the bandage area clean, but before long, the wound was bleeding through the top of even the sock. I cannot imagine how much that hurt! And this poor girl, never once let me see how painful it was for her. But when I looked into her eyes I could see them glazed with tears every once in a while. Then, because Hanna needed the vehicle, she took the girls home in a rush on her way out. I told Tenele we would get her tomorrow to bring her back to the nurse to get a fresh bandage. I really hated that she was going back to Mangwaneni in state like that, especially if someone had STABBED her! I met Thembi shortly after that and told her the story. She said she was going to church and would see Johannes there and ask him if he knew of anything.

Later that night, I got a call from Thembi who relayed what Johannes had told her. He said Tenele was living with her boyfriend and that he beats her and had stabbed her. Now, Johannes didn’t see him stab her, but he said he would be the one who would’ve done it.

I was horrified. I had let Tenele go back to stay with the guy that stabbed her! I called her literally three times that night, trying to convince her to let me pick her back up and that she could sleep at my house that night. But she refused. She said she would see me tomorrow and hung up.

I was crushed and worried. I didn’t understand how she would deny an actual bed to sleep in (she sleeps on the floor) and someone to help take care of her stab wound. I was so frustrated and tried really hard not to worry about her all night. I actually slept okay until about 6 a.m. and then couldn’t stop worrying about her. I felt sick to my stomach that morning, but I had told all my housemates about the story and they said they would join me in “capturing” Tenele in the morning.

Tears into Rivers of Laughter

Journal Entry: 11-30-10

OH MY SWEET, SWEET JESUS! Oh my magnificent Master! Oh my powerful and mighty God! PRAISE you! PRAISE YOU, PRAISE YOU, PRAISE YOU!!!!

ONLY you, God...ONLY you!

You have turned my tears into rivers of joy--waterfalls of laughter! I am breathless and in utter awe of you! THANK you for answering prayers around the world for Tenele--prayers from home, prayers form Thembi, prayers from Tenele herself, and prayers from me! Oh, thank you for the army of prayer warriors behind Tenele! Wow!

I cannot stop smiling. I cannot even start explaining what happened todya because I cannot stop praising you! You are amazing! How can anyone turn from you, O Lord? You are so good! So, so good!

The Story:
At precisely two o'clock, I drove to Mangwaneni (as to respect one of the cook's advice to me to "never, NEVER walke here alone!") and waited at the kitchen as littled kids mauled me. Though the kids were more than enough to entertain me and distract me from waiting for Tenele, I couldn't help but feel a little impatient in my eagerness to see she show up. I waited nearly an hour...no Tenele. I asked one of the older boys to see if she was at "home" but he came back and said she wasn't around.

I couldn't wait any longer because another volunteer needed the car. So I left feeling bummed that Tenele didn't show up after a very promising conversation with her. However, a little while later, I picked up Titi and we were going to go back to Mangwaneni for the afternoon, when I got a phone call. It was a number from a pay phone... Tenele?

"Whey ah you?" Tenele asked on the other line.
"About to go to Mangwaneni...where are you?" I asked.
"Meet me at Nandos," she replied.
And before I could ask her if she was coming back to Mangwaneni she hung up.

So Titi and I traveled back into town and ventured out to Nandos. As we approached, my heart lept as I saw familiar bright yellow colors--the colors Nomphilo and Tenele have worn many times before. Sure enough, there they were waiting! We exchanged joyful hugs and then Titi and I took them to the mall so I could get Tenele some shoes.

After the mall, they went with me as I needed to run some errands. I offered to make them dinner at my house if they wanted to stay around with me longer. They eagerly agreed. So, back to the volunteer house we went, talking, singing, and laughing along the way.

Once in the house, I showed them my room and gave them some paper and markers and books. They worked eagerly with the art supplies and wrote me wonderfully kind messages that I am hanging on my wall. It was such a WONDERFUL day! While I went in and out of the room to prepare dinner, they worked on the art projects and read some books. Signhild, one of the volunteers, walked in and said to me, "Doing some homeschooling, Mary-Kate?" I beamed. It felt like it, and it felt wonderful. I totally felt like a mother as I prepared dinner and we set the table.

Before we ate, Titi asked who would pray. Tenele volunteered herself. I was quite surprised. She started slow and quiet, praying in SiSwati so I had no idea what she actually prayed, although in the beginning I caught the words "Mary-Kate" and "Titi" and the siswati name for God. But after that, I wasn't sure. I was just pleasantly surprised she offered.

After dinner, I showed them a card trick and they looked some pictures. But it was starting to get dark, so we headed back to drop them off at Mangwaneni. I didn't want the day to end, it was so glorious! It was like nothing had changed with Tenele. For the first time in a LONG time, it was like the girls were 14...and not 18. It was incredible. And Tenele said she would come back again to see me the next day.

After we dropped the girls off, Titi and I talked about the afternoon as I drove her home.

"Mary-Kate, Tenele's prayer really, REALLY touched my heart," she said.
"Really?" I was surprised.
"Yes..." Titi was deep in thought. "She thanked God for sending YOU to her all the way across the world. She said that she can tell you truly care for her and really want to help her have a better future. Then she prayed for protection over you...so that you can keep helping her."

Wow! Amen, Jesus! AMEN!

My journal entry says it best:

I cannot even begin to describe how amazing this afternoon was! Instead of crying in the shower and weeping in my room, I was literally laughing in the shower! I can't take this mile off my face. I totally felt like a mother and I LOVED it sooooo much! At dinner, Tenele asked if I had a baby (jokingly) and I said, 'No, but I have a child," and I pointed to her.

"Umtfana wami, (you are my child)," she beamed and agreed.

I think the notecard I gave her with the Zephaniah verse really got to her. And at the end I wrote blatantly as I could: God sent me to you.

THANK YOU, LORD, for changing her heart! Eilidh hust asked awhile ago what happened that made this SUDDEN change and my intial reaction was "I don't know," but I DO know! It's YOU! ONLY you could do this, Lord! I praise you! To you be the glory and honor FOREVER! Amen!

Tenele and Nomphilo working on art projects.


At dinner...

I Promise I Won't Run

Monday, November 29th:

After speaking with Gugu on Sunday about Tenele and finding out about her background, I was very moved and encouraged to keep pursuing Tenele. I cried so hard for her...again, but this time with tears of understanding. All I wanted to do was find her and hug her and hold her and tell her how sorry I am for what she had to go through.

So, I went to Mangwaneni to see if I could run into Tenele there. I spoke to Pununu and asked if he could go see if Tenele was home, and if she was to tell her that I was waiting on top at the kitchen to see her.
Pununu, bless his heart, nodded in agreement and disappeared into the squatter camp. In the meantime, played some hand games with the kids who were fighting over me. I never knew I could start so many fights before! One of the girls wickedly told another girl that I was her “umlungu” and the other girl hanked my arm in her direction and said no, I was her umlungu! And they all started fighting over who I belonged to…then one girl came over and said to all of them in SiSwati that I wasn’t any of there’s…I was Tenele’s. I couldn’t help but laugh. But as the kids entertained me, I was starting to wonder if Pununu would ever return because he was taking quite a long time. Finally, I saw him coming up the path.

“She won’t come,” he shook his head.
“Oh,” my heart sank.
“I told her to meet you here and she said no, but that you can meet her down there," he paused. I was bummed. I really didn't want to go into the squatter camp again. "But I told her that you didn’t want to come because she just ran away from you," he continued. "So she said she promises if you come she won't run away."

I was honestly scared to go down there; I don’t know why my heart was pounding so hard. I reluctantly decided to go to her. It was a good thing I happened to see Gugu on Sunday to hear about Tenele’s background because it made me just want to see her and hug her; if I hadn’t heard, I would not have been motivated enough to go through the squatter camp to see her. About a minute into the walk, I stopped with the two kids who were hanging on my arms and whispered a prayer. "Lord, I need your guidance, your protection, your prompting..." I really was nervous. I didn’t want to see Tenele drunk again and I really was nervous about the drunk guys. But I stepped on. Pununu paused to wait for me as he and Ayanda led the way. Slowly, VERY slowly I made my way to them. Tenele was in a green hat again and barefoot. Her eyes looked worn and tired, but she was not drunk at all. She gave me a weak side hug and didn’t smile like she usually did.

“Tenele, how are you?” I asked putting emphasis on each word.
“I am fine, Mary-Kate,” she answered without looking at me.
“Unemanga (you’re lying),” I whispered. You definitely could tell she wasn’t fine. She turned away and pointed to Nomphilo. I greeted Nomphilo very eagerly and she stood up to give me a warm hug with an at-first-awkward smile, but when I greeted her it became a genuine smile. Much better than last time. Then the woman who I am so angry at for what she did to Tenele came out and approached me. Alcohol was leaking from her breath as she gave me a huge, over exaggerated hug and said, “Oh, Mary-Kate! Do you remember me?”

I was very pleasant and loving to her, but it was so hard... I cannot imagine how a human being could do that to a young girl, especially my Tenele. I know it’s not the first time it’s happened to someone, but the first time it’s happened to someone I love so dearly and it disgusts and repulses me. This woman was SO drunk and she slightly scared me. She invited me to drink with her and some of the other young men who were there. When I denied, she tried to pull me with. Meanwhile, Tenele was standing aback watching it all. Her “step-mother” tried to talk many things with me and when she kept hanging on me and hugging me and coming centimeters away form my face I tried to pull away without offending her. Some other guys were there but they were younger and kept their distance, so I wasn’t afraid of them at all. Nomphilo sat watching us, too. At one point when step-mom hugged me, I caught Nomphilo’s eyes and I just winked at her and she smiled back like she understand what I was silently communicating with her. After step-mom’s invitation to stay and have “juice” I told her, “No, my friend is waiting up at top and I just came by to talk to Tenele and see her…and all of you,” I quickly added because I didn’t want to put Tenele in any more danger by favoring her. Step-mom has a real daughter of her own that she always tries to get me to talk to and such so I wanted to make sure it didn’t look like I was favoring Tenele in front of the evil woman.

“Oh, here for me,” the step-mom slurred her words while she hugged me again. I nodded at Tenele, who was watching me, as if to say I’m here for you, Sweetheart. I reached out my hand towards Tenele and stepped away from the drunk woman. Tenele came over to me and gave me a more sincere hug this time.

“Tenele, so some kids up at the kitchen were arguing over me. One said, 'this is my umlungu’ and another said, ‘no, she is mine’; and another piped in and said to them all, ‘no, she’s Tenele’s!’”

At this ice breaker, the beautiful smile I am used to returned to Tenele’s face as she lit up into joyful laughter. I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it was to hear her laugh! She tunred to Pununu and joyfully relayed the story in Siswati. Tenele became herself as we talked and she grabbed my hand. Then, a few girls walked past and Khanisile was one of htem. I had been wondering about her for a LONG time. (Khani was the first friend Tenele introduced me to...she was the one who apparently go Tenele into prostitution with some other girls they lived with this past year.) She saw me and hesitated, but she couldn’t pass by my surprisingly eager greeting, “Heeeey!!” She stopped as the other girl walked on.

“How are you?” We hugged.
"Fine,” she lookd to the ground.
I complimented her on her hat and said “umuhle.” Then I asked if she still wanted to go to school.
Without missing a beat, she replied, “No.”
“No?” I was surprised at her honest and quick answer. “Leni?” (Why?)
She just shrugged and couldn’t look at me. “Leni?” I asked again. It looked like she wanted to say something but she didn’t. “School is good, right Tenele?” I turned to touch Tenele’s arm. “Tell her schoool is good for her.”
“Yes,” Tenele smiled and looked at Khanisile.
“What if I taught you? If I could be your teacher, would you come?
Khani didn’t move her gaze from the ground and Tenele and her exchanged a few short words in Siswati and Tenele said, “yes, that would be nice.“

Then very seriously I took Khani by the shoulrders and said, “hey,” and waited till she looked at me. “If you ever need anything or you want to go to school or anything…you know where I stay and you just come and get me, okay?”

She nodded and returned a smile. We hugged and she carried on. I thought it was weird the way Tenele and Khani interacted, or rather DIDN'T really interact, but I didn't think much about it then. All I could think about was what perfect timing the Lord has in brining Khani by at that exact moment so I could talk to her no matter how brief it was.

I turned back to Tenele, and I addressed the last two situations when she had run away. I told her that I had run into Auntie Gugu and that she told me more about her background; I told Tenele that I cried and cried for her.
"Okay..." Tenele didn't know what to say.
I told her that I loved her and that I wasn't going to yell at her. I told her, "Tenele, you don't have to be scared of me. I am here to love you. I am not going to yell at you or do anything to do." She nodded and smiled. "Now, I do not agree with what you do, but I am not here to yell at you for it. I just love you and want the best for you." Again she broke into a huge smile and gave me a big hug.

Then Tenele said with a bit of embarrassment, "Mary-Kate...I don't have any shoes." Her feet were dirty with the mud from the rain. And she had told Ayanda she was afraid to meet us for lunch on Friday because she didn’t have shoes and didn’t want to be made fun of. She asked if I could bring her some and I arranged to come back the following day to meet her at the kitchen to take her to town and get some shoes.

As I turned to leave, she wanted to walk with me as we headed back to the top, and it was so wonderful because it was like my ol’ Tenele was back! "Okay, tomorrow two o'clock?" I asked to confirm plans.
"Yes, two o'clock at the kitchen."

As we said good-by, we hugged and exchanged “I love yous.” As she turned to leave she said, “I miss you,” and I knew how much she meant it.

And immediately I went home and prayed praises to God for this day. And I wrote the following in my journal:

Lord, I still canot imagine what she goes through. I cannot imagine all the pain she’s standing on top of. Thank you for showing me this and showing me that the only thing I need to do is to love her--love her like never before and show Christ’s love--that she can cast away her anger for you God and see that it’s you that’s pursuing her. Holy Spirit, move her to the kitchen at 2 and prepare the prayer, tears, hugs, and converatsion we will have together tomorrow! Protect her from evil. May the blessed mother herself hold Tenele and carry her to our Lord! Amen!

Nomphilo and Tenele came over one day and we were reading together outside my house.

An Evil I Cannot Fathom

My friend Ludger and I were talking about we cannot fathom the evil in this world. Just the other day, he was up all night because he got a phone call from one of the house fathers of one of the boys’ boarding homes. One of the boys had been stabbed. Ludger drove to the scene and they called the police but the police didn’t come for a long time. The boy had been laying bleeding for nearly two hours before any help got there. Ludger thought for sure the boy was going to die on the way to the hospital. He said it was the most repulsive thing he had seen, to see this teenage boy stabbed and ripped apart as if he were meat. The boy is still alive and still recovering but it just makes us sick. I know things like this happen all over the world, but I have never been this close to it before.

I found out more information about Tenele. I ran into her old teacher, Auntie Gugu, on Sunday and I asked Gugu for advice on what else I can do to help Tenele. She told me more about her background and the “step-mother” that Tenele had been living with in Mangwaneni. Gugu said that she had to BEG the woman to even let Tenele go to her basic school because the woman treated Tenele like a slave. It was not Tenele’s real mother, but they kept that hidden from her until a few years ago. The “step-mother” treated Tenele like a slave and she was beaten often. But it gets worse…the mother made Tenele sleep with other men just so SHE could get money. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!! This isn’t a brothel…this is someone that Tenele thought was her OWN mother! She was reduced to a sex slave. Gugu asked me, “Now can you see why Tenele’s heart is so hard?” I cannot imagine a human being, let alone someone who is supposed to be a mother doing this to a young girl. This was going on two years ago when I met Tenele and she was 12 years old.

I don’t mean to dwell on the evil…because despite all this evil there is SO much good, too. We cannot ignore the goodness as well, but I just cannot wrap my mind around the evil. Though some tell me it’s impossible to help Tenele or that it’s TOO late…I know otherwise, because I know that goodness is far more powerful than evil. I know that love can cover over a multitude of wrongs. I know that all of your prayers and our prayers are battling off and claiming victory over evil. I know that LOVE and PRAYER change things. I know that the Lord is working unceasingly on Tenele’s heart. And I KNOW that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God… she will be rescued and brought back to her Father’s arms. I praise God that love is greater than pain.