Grace Poured Out

In the previous post, it was difficult to find positives, but in the days that followed, God's blessings and faithfulness poured out over me through many people He put in my path.  My friend Marcia encouraged me to continue to love Tenele and not be so discouraged.  "It's for God's glory and not our own," she reminded me.  How true indeed.  It's about God's glory, so that man cannot boast.  Tenele is not my success story.  Tenele is not my failure story.  Tenele is God's story he continues to write over all of our hearts, and he's certainly refining mine in the process.

My friend Musa further encouraged me to not give up as he asked about the story behind Hosea's Heart.

"Kate, tell me about the prophet Hosea again," he asked me one day after I had unloaded my heartache about Tenele.
"You know," I said, confused as to why he was asking.
"So, God tells Hosea to do what?" he continues.
"He tells him to pursue a prostitute wife who ends up leaving him for her old life."
"And then what?"
"Oh," I understood what he wanted me to verbalize.  "He has to pursue her again..."
"Exactly."  He reminded me of the power of the story and relentless pursuit.  "If you stop pursuing Tenele then the story stops.  You can't stop pursuing her."

Another friend, Susan, gave me some advice to contact missionary families to see if they could help.  Hearing that inspired me to contact a friend Elysa, who called me to pray for me over the phone.  Then she put me in touch with a woman named Janine who ran a project for abandoned babies.  She wasn't sure what she could do but was worth the contact.  Janine, who was busy with her own project and her visiting daughter took time out of her own day to meet and hear my story about Tenele.  For some reason, I don't know how other than by the grace of God, Janine's heart was open to Tenele and my ask for help.  Although she initially reemphasized they are really mainly an abandoned babies home, she did offer some options.  So we took Tenele to meet Janine and Gina to see if Project Canaan would be a good fit for Tenele.  What they offered us is for more than just a good fit.  It's perfect.  It's better than I could have planned myself!  That's the beauty of God's workings!  Tenele was offered a place to stay there during the course of her pregnancy while they employ her as a cleaner in the baby home.  Not only would she be getting the responsibilities of a full time job, but she would witness all day long how all of the aunties properly take care of (feed, comfort, discipline, etc.) babies and toddlers.  Tenele is in desperate need of motherly modeling.  This was one thing she even commented on herself that she was looking forward to.  I had been telling Rachel and Kiley that the two things Tenele needs is consistent discipline along with discipleship; Janine verbalized to me that the two things Tenele would receive would be those exact things: discipline and discipleship.  I could hardly believe it!  The whole situation was a reminder to me that we can have seemingly everything we want/need, but if we don't have Christ at our center, we will always feel without.  Yes, we provided Tenele with shelter, safety, food, clothes, education, but she did not get discipleship in her faith.  She is like the seed in the Parable of the Sower that fell along thorny ground, where her faith has most definitely taken root, but the weeds, the temptations of this world, cut it off.  How important it is that we emphasize Christ as the way, the truth, and the life.

Tenele needed a day to think about her options before saying yes to staying there.  She was hesitant and scared, but she said yes.  She made the right choice, even though it means being separated from literally everyone she knows and loves, including me, including her own children Lucia and Luciano.  She truly wants what's best for them.  So, I moved her in on Tuesday.  It tore at my heart when it was time to say goodbye and she bawled into my sweatshirt.  I cried too, but I was also so joyful for this incredible opportunity and divine path from the Lord.  The road will not be easy ahead of her (especially since we are still trying to figure out how we can keep her kids or where we can place them), and she knows that, but she's ready to embrace the consequences of her choices as well as the gift of grace.  

Grace, what a seemingly small word, but it is truly life-changing.  Looking back on this past week, if I had withheld grace from her as I originally wanted, I can honestly say she would not be alive right now.  In the state that she was in, she would have done drastic things.  It was simple--three words, "I forgive you," that changed the situation.  I didn't change it; God did.  After all, how could I withhold a gift from her that was also freely given to me?  I said to Tenele, "I sin, too.  Just because yours is visible in this sense doesn't make you worse than me.  Just because mine is not doesn't make me better than you.  We all sin; we all deserve darkness; yet we ALL have been offered grace.

This situation taught me so much in such a short amount of time.  How often do we withhold grace from one another?  What would our world be like if we didn't withhold grace?  We would have a changed world!  Rachel had been talking with me about forgiveness several weeks ago and said she had been praying that she can see people how God sees them instead of the sin/brokenness that we see.  How vastly different would our lives be if we saw one another through eyes of Grace?  How many lives could we help save?  If we are looking through the eyes of grace, then there's always a reason to see the positives no matter how grim a situation might seem; after all, isn't that what hope is really about?  To see a tiny beacon of light in dark room where you were told never has a chance of light.  God is the God of the impossible situations. This is God's redemption story.  This is God's grace He demands that we do not withhold.  Christ's blood has already been shed on our behalf, His grace covers us; yet we are the ones who stop it.  Oh, to live in a world unplugged, where we celebrate daily His grace poured out.

When Positives Aren't Always Positives

I always try to see the positives to any situation, or at least to understand it.  I preach to all my students Atticus' Finch quote to "climb into someone's skin and walk around in it."  But there's one positive I never wanted to see, and that's the two-line positive of a pregnancy test.

"It's positive, see?" the lab nurse showed me umtfwana wami's pregnancy test results.  I turned from the test result and just stared at her in shock.

"No, no," she said angrily and pushed past me and out the door.  I was far too upset to care to follow.  Luckily, Kiley was at the clinic with me to help another girl, so when I came out with a stunned face and shook my head yes, she ordered me to sit down to collect myself.

"Where'd she go?" Kiley asked.
"I don't know," I shrugged.  I really didn't care at that point.  "She stormed out and left."
"Should I go get her?" Kiley asked.
"I guess."
Kiley left while I sat with another girl we were helping.  I couldn't hold it together, though; I couldn't hold in the tears so I walked outside and bawled.  I couldn't believe it.  After six years of helping this girl, how could this happen again?  This was one situation I was sure had no positives.

It was like the roof above me had collapsed as I thought about what this would now mean for Tenele, her kids, me, the girls at the house, all of us.  According to house policy, Tenele would need to be removed as soon as possible, but where would she go?  What would happen to her kids?  It seemed we were back at square one.  All of my "success" with Tenele the past few years now meant nothing as all the people who told me not to help her because she wouldn't really change could now laugh at my foolishness and say, "I told you so."  Where had I gone wrong?  Had I really been foolish in helping her?  Why did this happen?  The questions flooded me.  We had given her a new start, a roof over her head, safety, food, clothes, and education...  My thoughts and tears were interrupted by Kiley's phone call.

"Kate, she just keeps walking away.  She's bawling and telling me to just leave her.  I just keep walking with her but she won't listen to me.  We're making quite the scene.  Can you come get us with the car?  Maybe she'll get in then."
"I doubt it," I muttered, "But yes I'll come."  I didn't want to.  I was tired of pursuing Tenele, especially after we had had such an incredible few weeks together, praying every night and living daily life together.

When I saw where they were, I was still so angry, I didn't even care that Tenele was crying.  I parked the car and walked over to her, where Kiley was trying to comfort her and people were staring as they passed by.

"Tenele, let's go," I said coldly.  "Get in the car." I gently put my hand on her back.
"No," she cried. "Just leave me."
After refusing to move towards the car, Kiley and I switched places.  I wrapped my arms around her as she hid her head in her arms and tried pulling away.  I tightened my grip around her so she couldn't get away while Kiley went to pull the car closer.  I told her wasn't going to leave her no matter how many times she told me to.  When she realized I meant what I said, she finally let me pull her and lift her into our van.  She kept her head hidden in her arms or hands as she cried violently.  I comforted her little, enough for her to know I still loved her, but the tears wouldn't stop pouring down my own face, too.

That night, my mom had sent me a text message with a quote from Mother Teresa that said, "What is demanded of me in this moment for the person in front of me?"  I asked God right then and the answer was quick and succinct: "grace."  But I didn't want to hear about grace at that point.  "How many times, God?" I asked.  "That's what I've been giving her this whole time and it's clearly not working!  Whatever love and grace I gave her obviously didn't do what I thought it would."  But the quote came back again the following day.

The next morning, Ayanda spoke to me as Tenele's representative since Tenele still couldn't face me.  She said Tenele wanted to talk, so the three of us went on a walk.  Tenele handed me a letter, our greatest form of communication.  Every word I read I cried harder.  The three of us had stopped walking so I could read the letter.  When Tenele saw me crying and shaking she came over timidly and put her arms around me.  "Mama, please don't cry," she started choking up, "please, please don't cry," she begged.  I wasn't sure who I was crying harder for, Tenele or myself.  Her letter was heart-wrenching and she was weighted down with so much shame and fear.  Mother Teresa's quote came back to me and I asked God, again, what is demanded of me in this moment for Tenele.  The answer was the same he gave last night, a five letter word: grace.  Grace was demanded.  My pride and hurt had to disappear so God's grace could be granted to His child as He demanded.  I didn't want to, I fought it for a while, but finally, I put my hands on Tenele's cheeks and lifted her face so she would look at me.  "I forgive you, Tenele."

She sobbed in my arms, but it was a good sob.  It was clearly what she needed to feel restored hope.  To not result to living in shame and taking her own life as she been planning.  Things didn't change completely in that moment, but I could feel God holding both of us together.  In the days that followed, there were still battles with hopelessness and shame; she felt unworthy of being helped and told me she would leave and never see me again so I could help others instead of her.  Again, my own sweet mother, had sent me a text about Mary Magdalene and reminded me that she was one of the closest women to Jesus, one of the first to find out He had risen, and she had been a prostitute whom seven demons were cast out of her.  Tenele refused to listen to truth for awhile until I told her about Mary Magdalene.  Silent tears poured out and she found hope in knowing she, too, could be close like that to Jesus, and that her past wouldn't prevent her from being united with Christ again.

Because of the support of my dear friends, I was able to keep my own hope in a painful situation.  There was still no peace knowing that I would be separated from my child, when I had waited six years for something that was now being torn from me because of a poor decision of her own.  Because of her choices, we all would suffer part of the consequences.  I couldn't imagine living in the house without Tenele.  She was the reason, the inspiration for the home, and to have her gone would mean part of my heart would be forever missing.  I still couldn't see how anything good could come from this situation, but that's where God always seems to excel.  Where we see hopelessness and pain, He sees opportunity for his glory, and that's exactly what happened in the following days.

From Battles to Blessings

                This life is a battlefield.  Battles are won not by our own hands but when we’re on our knees lifting hands in prayer.  I am so thankful for my prayer warriors back home because I would be a wreck already otherwise.  I even have children at an orphanage in Peru praying for me!  My friend Jess and Fr. Joe (who run it) know the type of warfare that comes with a mission such as this, so their own kids pray for us here!  While there are plenty of battles, a man reminded me just the other day though not to forget about the blessings.  “Get ready for the blessings!” he exclaimed to me after I relayed how I had resigned from a job I love back home to move here.  He excitedly embraced me, saying blessings will follow obedience to the will of the Lord.  The past week and a half has definitely been from battles to blessings!

To explain the battles would take too long because if you’re not here, it’ll be too hard to understand the daily conflict many of these girls face, the inner turmoil, and quiet suffering they rarely talk about.  Like one girl who said, “Sometimes it’s better to be alone because no one can hurt you.”  And another who wrote, “My heart is swimming in a bloody dam.”  Or one girl who had silent tears stream down her face and was hesitant to let me console her.  Another who says this home is her safety because there is no man here who can hurt her.  It’s no wonder I’ve walked into a battlefield. It’s no wonder I’m so exhausted already.  But like the American man told me, this also comes with blessings.  It is a blessing that I can help carry these girls’ burdens and teach them how to lay them at the feet of Christ.  While I’ve been frustrated quite a lot this past week, I can hardly remember why because the blessings indeed outshine the darkness.  So, I’ll let you in on sharing in these moments of light. 

                I started a weekly outgoing called Dates with Mama Kate.  This is my opportunity to get to know the girls better and treat them to lunch or dinner in the process.  So far, I’ve had 3 of 13 of these dates.  For Melissa’s date, we went to Nandos.  Although her age puts her right in the middle of the lineup of our girls, her quiet demeanor and wisdom makes her seem like one of the oldest.  I asked her what she would do if she could have three wishes come true.  She wished for 1) Her sick sister to be well, 2) Her sister to get a job, and 3) Her brother to finish school and her other brothers to change their minds (about drinking and girls).  Wow, what an amazing young woman; she didn’t use even one wish on herself.  #blessed

                Lately I’ve also had great one on one time with Ayanda and Sibussa.  One night we got into some really good conversations that kept us up till midnight, even on a school night (oops)!  We talked about boys, of course, and they relayed to me their checklist for their future husbands.  They of course told me they didn’t have boyfriends though and wanted to wait until they were done with school before worrying about boys.  It wasn’t until a few days later, I learned a completely different story.  Ayanda was the first to spill the beans, “Okay, I’ll tell you the truth now.”  She explained her own boyfriend situation as well as several other girls in the home. 

“What?”  I was shocked.  “But you all just said the other day you would focus on school first.” I was a little hurt that even Ayanda hadn’t told me the truth.

“Yeah, they won’t tell you.  We don’t tell any adults.  They’ll be too scared to tell you.”

As we conversed, I told Ayanda I planned on having girl talk with all the older girls that night.  She still claimed no one would be honest or talk about having boyfriends.  I told her I’d find a way to get it out of them. 

So later that night, I brought all the older girls into one of the bedrooms.  They were all confused at first and wondering why I wanted to talk to them, thinking they were all in trouble.  I started by saying, “Okay, we’re in here to talk about boys!”  I smiled and they shifted nervously.  “So, raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.”

Silence, no eye contact with me but glances at each other. 

Then one girl slowly raised her hand…then another followed…then another…and one more. 

“Oh,” I said surprised they had admitted it.  I had rehearsed a completely different speech, thinking they weren’t going to admit it.  “Okay,” I started, “Well, let me just share some advice with you.  Now, I’ve shared this advice with my American girls back home and rarely do they listen…until it’s too late and then they say, ‘Oh, I should have listened to Mama Kate!’  So I’m going to give you all some advice and I hope you DON’T do what they did and ignore what I’m going to tell you.”  I paused.  Only one girl, Nonhlanhla made eye contact and eagerly awaited everything I was about to say.  I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I shared my own story, struggle with singleness, search for love, etc. and told them, “I’m not going to tell you that you can’t have boyfriends, because some of you will anyway, but I will tell you that it is much wiser to be single right now.”  I explained the importance of waiting for the right one and how, as Paul says in Scripture, when we are single we can give ourselves fully to the Lord and not be distracted by a relationship.  They were so quiet the whole time and I was a little disappointed by their lack of responses, because I wanted to hear more from them.  But I left them with the invitation to talk openly about their relationships with me so I could help them if they needed it.

The following day I told Rachel and Kiley that I had a talk with all the older girls. 

“We heard!” Kiley replied.

“Oh?” I questioned.  “From who?”

“Tibonile said she broke up with her boyfriend today.  She told him, ‘My mom doesn’t want me to have a boyfriend.  So I’m just going to be in a relationship with Jesus right now.’” 

I was so surprised.  It reminded me of the other night at the hospital with Tibonile when a man asked to marry me and I said, “No, I’m already taken.”  When he asked who the man was I smiled, “Jesus.”  Tibonile thought that was the funniest thing ever, and now here she was saying the same thing to break up with her boyfriend.  #blessed       

               

                I try to go into each room at night to pray for the girls and say goodnight.  For the younger girls room, the first time I came in, they lit up.  I kissed them each goodnight, and their smiles and excitement melted my heart, and reminded me how starved they are of motherly affection. #blessed

                Sometimes at night when the girls are cleaning, we break into random song and dance.  I love that they love that I love to dance.  Siphesihle is an awesome hip hop dancer and can do a legit robot.  I sometimes do my little stomp routine and Nonhlanhla tries to imitate it, and it’s hilarious.  It’s so fun to spend time being crazy with them. #blessed

                Thanks to my years counseling at Lutherdale Bible Camp, I have some fun movement songs I teach the girls.  Their favorite is a song that has different actions they do with one another, like shake another hand, high another five, pat another back, etc.  Their favorite is bump another rump and they go crazy throwing their hips at each other.  Even Titi gets in on that one!  Rachel wrote me a note the other day and encouraged me to keep leading worship because she sees how the whole room is transformed and spirits are lifted.  #blessed

                I finally finished my book and Ayanda has been eagerly reading it.  She said she loves it because it makes her want to laugh and cry all at the same time.  She said it keeps her wondering what’s going to happen next even though she’s already lived through what I’ve written about! Haha.  Also, for her birthday, all Ayanda wanted to do was to learn to play basketball like me.  So we bought her a basketball and shot around on an outside court.  It was more like a birthday present for me!  #blessed

                We had a pastor come over to our house the other day to pray over all the girls because there was a bit of unrest.  He rocked the house.  He was phenomenal.  By the end of it, he had all the girls up and yelling and laughing and calling on the Lord together as one.  It was incredible.  #blessed

Tenele’s prayer last night shook the heavens I’m sure.  She prayed for so many people and such powerful and sincere pleas.  She praised God for my pure heart and prayed that God would touch her real mother’s heart so that it can also be pure with love for Tenele and for her children.  She thanked God for my family and prayed for her friends and girls in the home. She told God she’s sorry for her sins and wants to have a better heart for him.  She prayed for her kids, for her “unanswered question that I ask you each time,” about why she has to have kids.  Yet, she prayed for them that they would have a better life than she did and their father did. If only all of us prayed like she just did, all darkness would be pierced with light.  She is already teaching me much!  I just feel so blessed to have been a witness and a part of that prayer.  #blessed

While there are numerous blessings in the home, it’s also nice to have outside support.  I received my first letter in the mail from Rachael Schaefer and it was AMAZING, perfect, and at the exact time I needed it.  Her words have always been so full of wisdom, and once again, I felt like God had written this letter to me through her.  In her letter, I felt God confirming my move to Swazi and letting go of my American life, possibly forever.  

Ally sent me a WhatsApp message and prayed this for me: “God will embrace you with comfort and grant you mighty strength…mentally, physically, and spiritually.  May you overflow with hope, faith, patience, forgiveness, kindness, empathy, wisdom, understanding, and love.”  Already the prayer is being answered in so many ways, especially strength, patience, and forgiveness.  #blessed

                Having Rachel and Kiley here with me has been incredible.  We are doing our own book study, and one particular day that we were all having American cravings, we just curled up in bed with our books, journals, chocolate, and a spoonful of peanut butter. #blessed

                Just the other day, Musa brought over a team from the States that has been doing ministry in Swazi.  I had prayed in my journal the day before that God would bring with them an outpouring and would bless the work of their hands.  God did more than answer that prayer!  He poured out favor and blessings upon each girl in our home as the team brought them care packages, dresses, cookies, and Bibles of their own.  They were so excited to have a SiSwati Bible with their own name on it!  The team did a bible study with them and worshiped with them and prayed with them.  It could not have come at a better time, as these girls were in need of great emotional and spiritual uplifting.  They built shelves for the living room, fixed/rebuilt broken beds, and even added extra shelves in mine and Titi’s room!  They didn’t stop there.  They poured out blessings on me as they prayed over me and offered support of their own; one man committed to going home, getting on our website and giving us monthly donations, another couple offered their home in South Africa as a retreat and getaway for me when I need it (and can possibly help me publish my book!), another wanted contact information to keep updated on Hosea’s Heart, and Musa offers praise for my heart.   #blessed

                From battles to blessings, indeed!

This Daily Life

                I left America two weeks ago today, but it feels like I’ve been in Swaziland for months now.  Much  has happened, yet it feels like nothing significant to report (other than the event of the previous post).  After all, how do you put into words what has become just daily life?  I currently operate on no set schedule, which is strange but beautiful.  I choose my wake up times and bed times based on the needs of the girls.  Sometimes I’m up early as the sun rises because I was awoken to tend to a sick child and sometimes I’m up late, talking about life with two of the older girls until midnight even though it was a school night.  Sometimes I try to set schedules but almost always they are interrupted, like right now as the girls are all supposed to be in bed and I’m writing this post on my laptop, Lucia, who is hyper and refusing to sleep, has climbed into my lap speaking SiSwati that I don’t understand.  Although interruptions to my personal time or set schedule can be annoying, I’m trying to make the most of the daily joys.  Like this message from Lucia:  “nnnn,,,,../nnnmmmmm,,,,….. ”  I think that means dinner was good tonight.  So what about the other joys?  Well, luckily for you, one of my students gave me a journal on the last day of school to, as he wrote, “fill in these pages with all the good and the not-so-good things that happen.”  So, I’ll summarize the good and not-so-good from the beginning of my departure.

                Good: My mom, dad, and brother Justin drove me to the airport in Chicago, so it was nice to spend my last American moments with them. 

                NSG: What they didn’t know was when they dropped me off it was at the wrong terminal.  I had my two luggage bags, carry on, and one extra ministry bag of donated supplies.  Needless to say, I couldn’t carry them all by myself so I got a cart.  The lady directed me to the escalator to get to the tram to take me to the next terminal.  Really, the escalator?  I’m supposed to take the escalator with the cart?  Now, to excuse the airheadedness that followed, let me just remind you I’m moving to a different country and can hardly think right and besides at the Johannesburg airport, you can take the carts (a little different structure) on the escalator.  So I did.  Whatever you are imagining probably happened.  I got stuck at the bottom and literally had to yell for help to get me and the cart off the escalator.  Two men came rushing over, rescued me, then scolded me and asked what country I had come from.  The gentleman who helped me said carts were not allowed on the trams either.  How was I supposed to get to my terminal then?  “I’ll help you, you help me,” he smiles.  Really?  I have to pay off the guy at the airport here in Chicago?  I thought that was only a Joburg thing.  So he “allows” me on the tram and I give him a few bucks.  What a great start to my move overseas.

                 

                Not so good:  The flight from Chicago to Atlanta was delayed for no apparent reason, and my love-hate relationship with Delta continued.  By the time my plane landed in Altanta, my flight for Johannesburg would have just started boarding.  My heart was pounding and I was already nervous that I’d miss my flight.  I tried explaining to the flight attendant to see if I could get a seat up front but she was no help. 

Good: I decided to take it into my own hands.  I went up to the front seats of the plane and asked some random stranger if he’d switch seats with me.   Luckily, he saw my panic and agreed to switch.   

Not so good:  When we landed my flight had already started boarding and the flight attendant told me my next flight was in another terminal.

Good: I was the first one off the plane, (I even whipped past all those first class flyers), and I hustled through the gigantic airport and made it to my gate on time!  When I took my seat, I struck up a conversation with young man next to me and we discovered we were both traveling to Swaziland! 

Not so good: I usually don’t get sick on the flights but by the time the 16 hour flight was over, I was so queasy I couldn’t even eat the last meal they served.  Luckily, Musa was there in Joburg to welcome me “home” with a sign, smile, and hug. 

Good: After the 4 ½ hour drive to Swaziland, Musa pulled up the girls home and we waited at the gate to get let in.  Sindi was the first one charging down the porch and ran straight into my arms.  The other girls squealed and swarmed me with chatter and hugs.  My sister Laura and friend Ally were also there to welcome me “home!”  They had made a big sign in the entrance that said, “Welcome home Mama Kate!”  After greeting all my girls, I said hello to the ones I hadn’t yet met.  Their eyes got so big when I called them by name.  After a few more hellos and hugs, the girls all lined up and started singing a chant with my name "MK" in it.  It was adorable.  I went to sleep that night exhausted and didn’t wake up until 13 hours later!

So this new home is definitely filled with its goods and not-so-goods, but isn’t that what daily life entails?  Most of goods outweigh the bad, so here are a few highlights from my first two weeks:

-We got our girls home van fixed the second day I was here and when I returned to the home with it, the girls all cheered and Gogo Martha hugged and thanked me.  Sindi led us all in a prayer over the car!

-I rocked Luciano to sleep one night, and that's when I felt like I belonged.

-During worship at our first church service, the gogo (grandma) next to me was getting down and dancing!  She could get lower than I can!

-I homeschooled three of the girls with Rachel and Kiley.  We did reading and writing, took a short break, did addition and subtraction flash cards, took a break, and ended with science and talking about the weather.  It was a lot of fun!

-Kiley, Tenele, and I took a walk to a nearby shop together and Tenele was hilarious, telling animated stories along the way.

-We worked in the garden and started it on fire (on purpose at first, but then it got out of control).

-Reading a book to Lucia before bedtime and her falling asleep in my lap

-Rachel and Kiley slept over on the weekend because Titi was gone and we watched She’s the Man on my laptop.  Nonhlanhla was laughing hysterically and because it was so contagious that was the hardest I (or any of the girls) have laughed before!

-Lucia loves doing my hair and says, "umuhle" (pretty) over and over.  She was sticking the pick in my hair to make my new look complete.

-Two of our girls’ father died, so we had the funeral over the weekend.  Although it was an extremely sad situation, it was absolutely amazing to see the girls cry for each other and console one another like a true family!  Unity is greatest joy and victory that we can celebrate for our daily lives.  Please continue to pray for us.   

Set Free

Disclaimer: If you do not believe in the Holy Spirit or casting out of evil spirits, then no need to read any further; this post is not for you.

On Sunday, June 29th, I experienced something I will never forget.  The morning started like any other one.  I picked up the Ambassador team and brought them back to the girls home.  Then we all walked to the nearby church where Tenele had asked us to go.  It was about a two and half hour service total, and during the point where the leader asked for personal testimonies, Tenele nudged one of the girls to tell them to go up. I in turn nudged Tenele and encouraged her to go forward.  Her eyes got really big and she covered her face with her hands in anticipated embarrassment.  But for some reason she did get up and walked to the front of the church.  I was so shocked.  That was not the Tenele I had known for the past six years.  Although she has made giant strides in her faith life and turning her life around, she still was holding back and would have never in the past had the courage to stand in front of anyone to talk.  Nonhlanhla also accompanied her and they both shared testimonies with the church.  They spoke in SiSwati, so we didn't know what they said, but it was beautiful to watch them and to hear the congregations "amens" to whatever they said.  Shortly after that, a few more of our girls got up to lead the church in song, and that was so beautiful to see as well!  The girls sang "Our God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do for you."  Little did we know how important those words would be an hour later.

The Pastor gave a great sermon about not holding anything back from the Lord.  He kept saying 100%, not 99.9%!  I wrote down in my journal that is how satan deceives us and slowly seeps in to dissuade us from truly giving 100%.  We make excuses for sin or temptations or desires and slowly our 100% gets less and less.  At the end he had somewhat of an altar call, and called those forward who wanted to surrender their lives completely to Christ.  There was a line of people, and Tenele went forward to be one of them.  The pastor started praying over the individuals and Tenele was one of the last ones.  I had stopped paying attention by this point, because they were also playing music in the background and I was getting a little sleepy from the long service.  All of a sudden, the pastor is yelling something like, "Get out!" and I looked up and saw that his hand was on Tenele's forehead and he was still praying for her.  What happened in the moments to follow were at first extremely scary for me, and something I have never seen or witnessed before.  All of a sudden five more people were holding Tenele and her body was being wrenched around.  I kept thinking, "What are they doing to her?  Why are they trying to put on a show?  That's my girl!"  I was upset.  I was confused.  I was scared.  I knew what they were doing, they were praying evil spirits out of her.  But I had never seen it before, so to be honest, I wasn't sure that I believed it.  Of course, it is Biblical, but I just didn't think it happened like that in today's day and age.  I felt the Spirit prompting me to go forward to her and pray for her, so I did.  I went to the front, though keeping my distance from her, and prayed over her.  Then I felt the Spirit prompting me to take hold of her feet and pray while I held her feet.  So I did.  It was then that I realized there was a power in Tenele unlike her.  The six people holding her were trying to stabalize her, but she was so powerful that it took forever to calm her down.  The church was dismissed, but the six people holding Tenele couldn't let go.  The pastor kept commanding, "Get out!" to the evil spirits and eventually the other girls on our team came forward to pray as well.  I was the only umlungu touching Tenele and as I looked back to find Laura, I saw Rachel and the Spirit prompted me to call Rachel forward.  So I asked Rachel to come hold and pray over Tenele.  So she did.

An hour passed and Tenele's wrenching and wriggling and groaning did not stop.  We were praying and singing and worshiping, seemingly saying the same things over and over again.  I didn't know what to do, so I just kept praying.  Eventually, I was the one holding Tenele's head.  It took all my strength to literally keep her head in my lap because otherwise she would whip her neck back and forth and try to hit the ground. There were times when it seemed the battle was over, she calmed down and the spirit was out, but not completely.  The pastor commanded in Christ's name for the demon to talk, so he would ask questions like "How many are you?  What is your name?  What are you doing?" At one point the demon answered, "We are building a house here."  Oh, no you're not!  A woman started saying, "You are the temple of the Living God!"  Our team and the others from the church prayed ceaselessly over her.

At the TWO HOUR mark, we were exhausted but the battle was still raging over my precious Tenele.  I felt the Spirit prompt me to read Scripture, so I grabbed my Bible and opened to Psalm 146, this was the Psalm I had prayed over Tenele years ago.  In fact, verse 7, "The Lord sets prisoners free" is the verse written on a red hair band Tenele gave me four years ago.  So I repeated, "The Lord sets prisoners free" over and over aloud after I read the whole psalm.  I felt prompted to put my hand on her neck and pray those words over her.  Immediately, a dream I had four years ago flooded me.  It was a dream where Tenele had come running to me, away from a man who was chasing her.  She had a yellow rope around her neck like a noose.  I remember being so scared in my dream, but I prayed for her and the only way to get the rope off was through prayer.  I couldn't touch it, could only pray it off, and it fell off.  So I kept the vision in my mind as I touched Tenele's neck and prayed freedom over her.  About ten minutes later, she finally breathed out a long sigh, like exhaling the last "stubborn demon" (as the Pastor called it) and her body became calm and her eyes flickered.  Her eyes had been shut, refusing to open the whole time even when someone tried to force them open, but finally did after two hours and everyone around the circle breathed, "Praise God!"  It was clear that the people of the church knew what they were doing as this had been done before, so they were all rejoicing.  We were all exhausted and sweating, for the power in Tenele was unlike any I had seen.  Her strength was beyond human strength and it wasn't until my sister explained it to me later that I really understood what was happening to Tenele's body, that if we had not restrained her, she would have self-harmed and who knows what would have happened because her body had been overtaken.  There is much more to the story, but I can't put it all into words.  Although it was scary at first, I could not be more JOYFUL for the Victory of Christ over her life.  She had finally come to the Lord's feet, ready to surrender completely, and although she had dark demons in her life from the past, she is now SET FREE forever!

It wasn't until I was journaling later that I realized the impact of the phrase from the demon, "We are building a house here."  Building a house?  We built a house, We (Hosea's Heart) help rebuild the ruins.  They were trying to build a house and in doing so destroy ours.  Tenele is going to change Swaziland.  Not herself, but her story and her spirit is for sure going to be the tool of change and freedom for Swazi and it's no wonder she is a target of Satan.  June 29th, 2014 will be a day I celebrate forever because it's the day my Tenele-Bell has been finally, finally, finally completely set free.  A prayer that has been in my heart and on my lips for SIX years.

After the two hour ceaseless prayer session, I felt so empowered.  And it made me wonder how quickly our world would change if we spend that much time in prayer every day. Or even just once a week.  What if we got on our knees and battled ceaselessly for our brothers and sisters who are held captive by something.  What if we prayed with that intensity and determination for our neighbors, our family, our schools, our nations, our own hearts?  Many times prayer is the last thing we go to.  What if it became the first?  What if we became a prayer army?

NO WONDER then, the lyrics "There's an army rising up," has been my theme for this move here.  For, there is a battle we don't see, we don't acknowledge, we refuse to believe sometimes.  There is a very real battle going on, and it's thick here in Swaziland.  It's not like that in the States, so I don't expect anyone reading to fully understand, but if you get nothing else out of it, get this:

THERE IS AN ARMY RISING UP.  WILL YOU BE PART OF IT?