For the First Time

Renewed.  What does that actually mean?  It’s not just refreshed, or rebuilt, or replenished, or reordered, or redone.  They’re all great, but renewed.  To become new again.  It sounds simple, but it’s actually impossible.  Or is it?  A couple who’s been married for seventeen years and signing the divorce papers because the husband is narcissistic and the wife is tired and unforgiving.  Is there a chance they can love each other newly?  A child who’s been discarded by his parents and sees adults as targets for rebellion.  Is there a chance he can see adults through new eyes?  A mother whose child has turned away from her love and throws it back in her face again and again and again.  Can the mother hold fast to a new hope?  Growing up in the same small town, driving down the same street with one stoplight, passing the same farm on the corner, seeing the same people at church, and feeling like the best thing in life is getting out of that town forever. Can the teenager wake up the next morning and smile newly at the blessings of an intimate one-stoplight town? 

Renewed.  I boarded the shuttlebus from Johannesburg in route to Swaziland, just as I had done countless times.  This time I had new music from my brother on my friend’s iPhone and a set of Wisconsin Badger headphones from another friend.  It was the same, long, five-hour ride.  The same stop halfway through the trip at a “petrol port,” a gas station with some shops for eating.  I bought my last muffin at Mug and Bean and a mocha frappe, knowing it will be awhile before having that again.  It was the same, long, winding road… but those mountains… WOW!  The scenery, WOW!  I couldn’t stop smiling.  I was dreary with jetlag but I couldn’t keep my eyes closed.  My eyes enjoyed the seemingly newness of what was around me.  Those mountains touching the clouds, the shadowed valleys, the houses on the hills, the huts, the potholes.  I loved it all.  Like I was seeing it for the first time. 

When our car pulled around the corner, turning onto the dirt road that marked the girls home, my heart raced with anticipation.  I felt as if I had been gone an entire year, when I had only been on leave for a month.  I heard the screams up the hill before I saw anyone appear.  Then Bongekile led the charge, sprinting down that dirt road in her bare feet, and then a crew of the girls to follow, with Benji bringing up the rear.  Oh what joy!  Oh what reunion! 

It wasn’t long before I shared with the girls during devotion one night about how I felt so empty and how my dad told me, “You can’t fill empty cups from an empty jug.”  And how while being home I was filled and overflowing with the love of Jesus and how I wanted desperately to pour into the girls again.  I apologized for being so dry.  For, I really did see how my own emptiness had taken its toll on them. 

Throughout that first week, I realized that joy was a real battle.  I thought joy was just a feeling that comes and goes, but no… if you want joy, you gotta fight for it!  I was so committed to being joyful that it completely renewed my vision of the girls, the house, the cock-roach inhabited room, etc.  I was careful with my words and how I said things when the girls annoyed me or asked me a million questions at once.  I saw the way they responded to my newfound attitude and it gave me an even deeper joy. 

I am basking in the goodness of God.  I surrendered my dreams, my will, my attitude, and he gave me in return gifts of inner peace and satisfaction that nothing and no one in this world can offer. 

My friend, Rachael, sent me this message concerning developments in our ministry on the field: “God asked you to give up everything you knew and trust Him only to give it back to you pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  He is always good.” 

Amen.

“He fills your days with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.” –Ps 103:5

This is my War Cry

“All the nations surrounded me; in the Lord’s name I crushed them.  They surrounded me on every side; in the Lord’s name I crushed them.  They surrounded me like bees; they blazed like fire among thorns; in the Lord’s name I crushed them.  I was hard-pressed and falling, but the LORD came to my help.  

The Lord, my strength and might, came to me as Savior.” 

-Psalm 118:10-14

This is my war cry.  After a month of recovering and renewal, I am ready for the battlefield!  Like the speaker in Psalm 118, I was hard-pressed and falling, feeling lifeless in the battle, but I had an army at home to serve me all month long and pick me back up.  It’s good to be in God’s army.  I am so full of an unexplainable joy!  Of course, though, that doesn’t mean I won’t have heartache or pain or frustration or failure.  After all, I know that I am returning to the war.  But this time, I am ready.  I am equipped with “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)

The enemy, the prince of darkness, had attacked mercilessly this past year, seizing numerous opportunities to overtake our girls and make it clear he did not want me in Swaziland.  He knows my wounded girls are an easy target.  He knows his entry points.  He knows a girl without Christ who’s just been raped is the best entry point because she lives lifeless, worthless, believing that now she’s “useless.”  Daniel Walker says sexual abuse "strips them of their heart and soul.  It murders the person, but leaves the body alive."  There's not a better target for Satan than this.  In fact, sex in general, and the abuse of sex, continues to be Satan's greatest stronghold in our world.  Specifically in Swaziland, there are thousands and thousands of these women in this tiny country (1 in every 3) who've been sexually abused.  Like walking zombies with no life or purpose, they wander aimlessly back to the streets, living as prostitutes, tempted by and then enslaved by darkness.  A cult that beckons these girls with lies like, “If you worship the seven-headed snake, you’ll be rich!” or "You'll find a husband!"  or "If you kill your baby, you can be a princess!”  Satan has been raising up an army in Swaziland, but we are willing to fight, and that’s why this past year has been the most difficult year of my life.  

Three years ago (2013) we formed our army.  Two years ago (2014), we stabilized our army.  This past year (2015) we attacked with our army.  We went to the streets.  We marched into the darkness with prayer.  With the blessing of having two men volunteers for a month, we were able to hit the streets at night, to give rides home to prostitutes, to pray for them, to pray for physical strongholds in town where satan worship takes place, to pray for specific girls and specific victories.  We attacked, though, without knowing how our enemy would counterattack.  Satan comes to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10). His purpose is not complicated, his mission is no secret.  Yet, we let him wear us down, like warriors in continuous battle.  He can’t win, he can’t take us, but he can wear us down and wear us down until we give up.  Too many victories are lost because Christians simply give up.  Especially in prayer.  

September is a month I will never forget.  Our prayer and street nights shattered the enemies strongholds and it paved the way for spiritual victories, but it didn’t come without an all-out war.  *Maria, a girl from my earlier blog about her mission to kill me, (she had returned to her cult and said she was lying that she “loves Jesus”) appeared a week after we had begun street night and had begun praying specifically for her.  God’s timing is perfect, as we were equipped with an army of seven other women from the World Race, who stayed with us for the month. (They were a tremendous army for me personally and for the mission!)  Soon after Maria came to us, the team organized a day long devotion called Beauty from Ashes.  It was a devotion meant to give girls a voice, to dig up the ugly—their pain and abuse—and turn it into something beautiful.  During the morning sessions, the girls were asked to draw a picture of their view of God, to draw their relationship with God, and to draw how they think God sees them.  Two girls (Maria was one of them) drew intensely dark images, both with the theme of being trapped and bound in the “underground,” which is the term they used to signify the devil. They wanted freedom but were under an immense satanic stronghold.  As the day continued, the evil spirits manifested, and the path to freedom lasted until the following morning.  

As the days unfolded, we discovered Satan’s entry point into the two girls’ lives—Maria still was bound to her satanic cult though she claimed she wanted to go back to God; the other girl who had transformed in the past year from an atheist to a believer, repeated over and over again the lie that tortured her, “God doesn’t love me.”   We learned that we can keep setting these girls free in Jesus’ name, but it’s up to them to remain free.  They must choose Him for themselves; we can’t choose Him for them.  I wrestled with this and cried about this, because I wanted them so badly to be free but had no authority to choose it for them, though I wished I could.  The same goes for some of my old students or kids in the States that I've prayed for unceasingly, wishing they would just listen to me. Unfortunately, as Neal Lozano says, some only “look for a formula for freedom and not a relationship,” and a relationship is necessary.  But you can’t have a relationship if you don’t understand God’s love.  Although Maria took off again and the other girl struggled with dark moments, there was great rejoicing.   As the one girl wrestled her way through an intense scriptural reading of Acts (a recommendation from our connecting pastor), she shattered the darkness that bound her and is regaining her identity in Christ.  She still struggles with God’s love and love for herself at times, but she has made great strides, and is working towards complete forgiveness of her mother, who has been a source of pain and hatred—satan’s stronghold—for years.  Additionally, Maria returned several times the next couple months to “say hi” to me.  The last time I saw her, though, she came to the girls home to gather everyone and apologize.  She said she had finally surrendered her life to Jesus through the help of a pastor and the pastor told her to go and reconcile with all whom she had wronged.  Though she does not live at the house anymore, our home was one of her first moments of reconciliation.  Praise God!  

Demon manifestations are not uncommon in a culture that has deep roots in the occult.  But I’ve learned that they deserve no such attention or fear.   In his book about deliverance, called Unbound, Neal Lozano reminds us that deliverance is less about demons and more about “removing obstacles so we may, in Christ, receive the Father’s blessing.”  Satan loves fear and loves attention because he distracts us from who we are in Christ.  He loves that America romanticizes, fictionalizes, and fantasizes demons – in movies, TV series, celebrities, gossip, greed, etc.  But hardly anyone takes the time to see where Satan has seized a stronghold in their own lives.  There’s no reason to give him and his legion attention, but it is extremely important to know the enemy, to know his tactics, to identify his lies and combat them with Truth, to renounce sin, to forgive others, and to verbally command him to leave in the name of Jesus Christ. (Read Unbound)  

I’ve learned so much about spiritual warfare, and I am ready to keep battling for the lives of these girls that Satan has seized and attempted to bind in his army.  Lozano encourages us to be on the offense and defense: “Every time territory is taken for the Kingdom of God you will have to hold it, defend it.  It may be a day, a week, six months, but you will have to hold it.” A pastor reminded me that the reason I’ve seen and experienced so much spiritual warfare is that these girls are finally receiving and wanting Jesus!  These girls, whom Satan thought would be easy targets to enslave, are now living examples that Jesus sets us free; He breaks every chain.  “He has rescued us from darkness and transferred us to the Kingdom of Light!” (Col 1:13)  As I return to the battlefield, as we return to the streets, as we continue to attack and take back kingdom that belongs to the Lord, please pray unceasingly for us.  Through prayer, we are taking the very people that Satan thought he could use to build his army and we are bringing them to the Kingdom of Light!  Our commander says this: “Rescue those who are being dragged to death...” (Prov 24:11)   This is our battle.  This is our war.  This is our cry:

(Listen to Jeremy Camp’s song here and check out his lyrics below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InsifiZxVXU)

“I can see the waters raging at my feet

I can feel the breath of those surrounding me

I can hear the sound of nations rising up

We will not be overtaken, we will not be overcome

I can walk down this dark and painful road

I can face every fear of the unknown

I can hear all God’s children singing out…

We will not be overtaken, we will not be overcome.

The same power that rose Jesus from the grave

The same power that commands the dead to wake

Lives in us, lives in us

The same power that moves mountains when he speaks

The same power that can calm a raging sea

lives in us, lives in us, He lives in us, lives in us

We have hope that his promises are true

in his strength there is nothing we can’t do

yes we know there are greater things in store

we will not be overtaken, we will not be overcome

The same power…

Greater is he that is living in me

he has conquered our enemy

no power of darkness, no weapon prevails

we stand here in victory

So, let us stand together in Christ’s unending Victory!  Let us put on our war paint—covering ourselves with the Blood of the Lamb.  Please continue to join me hand in hand, arm in arm, united in prayer—as we rejoice over Jesus breaking every chain and turning all of our ashes into something beautiful.  

It's a Wonderful Life

“At the heart of Satan’s attack upon you is his attempt to rob you of your true identity and destiny.”

-Neal Lozano, Unbound

My last blog post was an attempt to regain parts of me that I feel I have lost.  Satan had done well in distracting me from receiving God’s full blessing.  It’s a truth I had known, but not really understood until I read Unbound by Neal Lozano.  “God wants to bless you much more than you desire to be blessed.  Allow yourself to receive from Him.”  Really?  Is it really that easy?  It was actually very, very difficult for me to write my last blog and ask people for help and ask for specific things/items/donations, etc.  But isn’t that exactly what God wants of us?  To ASK specifically?  Bruce Wilkinson says it this way: “When we ask for God’s blessing, we’re not asking for more of what we can get for ourselves.  We are crying out for the wonderful, unlimited goodness that only God has the power to know about or give us.”

Wow.  I have received in FULL this “wonderful, unlimited goodness” of God through His people.  In the course of 25 days, God has “surrounded me with love and compassion” and “filled my days with good things” (Ps 103:4-5).  Every day that I have been home, I have been blessed by someone.  I feel so overwhelmed and undeserving of such love. 

One day, Marissa, a college bestie, drove a couple hours just to meet me for lunch.  “I have a present for you,” she told me while we were out to lunch at Cracker Barrel.  A present, she had said, when just her presence was enough.  But when she came back inside, she didn’t have “a present,” she carried a laundry basket full of presents in her arms!  She gave them to me one by one, and as I unwrapped these presents, I couldn’t stop the tears that I tried to fight.  What moved me most was reading all the names on the card of who contributed to the gifts.  Truly amazing.  Marissa had contacted a whole crew of people who went to UW-L with me, and together they were able to raise enough money to support part of my housing fund as well as buy major items on my wish list, including thoughtful gifts like NFL ticket, cooking items to buy in Swazi, and a new Macbook Air!

A friend who contributed to these gifts wrote a message telling me it reminded her of the last scene in “It’s a Wonderful Life” where all sorts of people came to help George Bailey.  When I watched the movie (which I used to do every year), I cried.  God wants to bless us, we just need to ask.

I asked, and I received.  I received every major item on my list from my last post, and in addition, my housing need for 2016 is fully funded!  The most amazing surprise is that the overwhelming support came from both acquaintances and friends—from high school, college, and career connections—like donations from a couple students, Rachel Howe and Katie Shepardson, a surprise package from a high school acquaintance, Brianna Lynch, who I had no idea followed my blog, a set of Christian fiction books and financial support from my mom’s co-workers, the biggest donation I’ve ever personally received from my own co-worker (the Kreutzmans) at La Crescent High School, some supporters who don’t even know me, and so many more!

I am so filled.  I am so humbled.  I am SO full of joy!  I recently skyped with my friend Chris who lives in Ecuador and when he first saw me on the video, he immediately commented, “Wow, you look great and so lively.  So full of joy!”  (And he knew NOTHING of what has happened to me these past two weeks.) 

Indeed, I am so full of joy!  And it came from my three day retreat at a convent where I spent my days in prayer and reflection, letting Jesus love me and fill me. Thank you all for restoring in me the spirit of joy.  For reminding me that my identity is not tied to what I do, but who I am. Thank you for preventing Satan from robbing me of my identity as a daughter of the King, a beloved whom God genuinely desires to bless.  God, my good, good Father, you are Enough for me. (Listen to the song here: Good Good Father)

So, 2016, thanks to all of you—my army, my victors, my givers—I am now ready for you!  (I fly back to Swazi January 1^st!)

"That he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in you hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

-Ephesians 3:16-19

Marissa treating me to Culvers after spoiling me Cracker Barrel with food and a laundry basket full of gifts!

 Some joyful moments of December:

Mom and Dad picking me up at the airport in Chicago

HS Bestie Lauren taking me to a Badger basketball game!

Spending time at sporting events of my ol' students

Football and fun with my nephews

Kelly and my second fam: the Conways

Bowling and fun with Laura, Garret, Kiley, and Tony

Vising Mario in the hospital and praying for him

Jess and Kristen, my Newman fam!

In the presence of my beloved Bethie-boo

The Fab Four cheering on our old HS coach!

My grandma, my main reason for coming home.

Christmas with my family! And in this picture, my extended family.  All the Martin cousins together at last!

What I Need

“What do you need?” I’ve been asked hundreds of times throughout this past year and a half.  I’ve always responded with needs of the ministry and my girls.  But then a few people persist, “No, I mean you.  What do you need?”  I didn’t know. 

Now I do.

I need to rediscover the joys of simply being me.  The me who dances like a maniac, sings in strange voices in the shower, pretends to be a thug, relishes in competition, and loves laughing, giving advice, playing games, being goofy, being artsy, and playing football.  :)  I've lived here for too long like a volunteer or short term missionary. Missions mentor Elysa Mac recently told me, “You won’t last much longer living like that.  You need to make your life here.”  Indeed, I’m at that point.  I need to make this my life. 

So my needs (which still aren’t really needs) revolve around how to make my own life here.  I’ve turned them into a wish list, so now I have some ideas when someone genuinely asks, “Kate, what do you need?”    

1.       Health/food/nutrition: Don’t get me wrong, I love rice and beans.  But after 18 months of eating them every day, I think I can move on to better nutrition for myself.  I quite enjoy cooking, when I have time, and it’s something I haven’t done here because I eat what the girls eat/cook (except when it’s intestines or fish, of course).  Eating healthy is much more expensive, but in the end I know it will be worth it.  When I went to the local shopping mall the other day, I got quite excited looking at the different kitchen items I could buy to start making healthy meals in a timely manner.  These are items I can buy here (rather than having them donated because of the different electricity and outlets here) if you wanted to send a check/cash to me then I can purchase them here:

·         Crock pot $28.50

·         Hand blender $12.50

·         Hand mixer $13

·         Grill $15

Other fun foods/items that could be sent/donated that I’d quite enjoy at any time are:

·         Granola bars or Cliff bars

·         Trail mix

·         Dried fruit mix

·         Vitamins

·         Gum

·         Mints

·         RECIPES (your favorites)

·         Box mixes (for cake, brownies, muffins, pancakes, etc.)

·         The really healthy stuff like dark chocolate chips, M&Ms, and PB cups J

2.       Writing:  I’m working on a book, so you can pray for me to finish it, find an editor, publisher, etc. The computer I have is quite old so it has to plugged in in order to work, which is frustrating when there’s not always access to electricity; it’s also nearly out of memory and space (though my brothers keep reformatting it for me).  I also journal every day.  I made a promise to God a couple years ago during lent that I would write to him every day.  So every night before bed, I write to him and tell him all the things I’m thankful for that day.  To buy journals here are very expensive and to buy pens aren’t really worth it because they’re not that good.  So these are items for the wish list:

·         journals

·         fancy or colorful pens

·         small laptop

·         photo editing or video editing system for computer

3.       The “girly” me:  In this blasted heat and life of sweat, I sometimes just need to feel pampered and it can something as simple as these:

·         lotion

·         perfume

·         scented candles

·         makeup

4.       Reading:  I could use some great Christian fiction reads for when I’m sitting at the clinic or at the bank or another meeting place that takes 2-6 hours of wait time.  I have plenty of non-fiction to read, and I’ve eaten up pretty much all of Francine Rivers’ books, so I’d love some other options!

5.       Football: Eish, I miss this so terribly much.  I miss being able to come home after church and turn the TV on to watch football.  In fact, I just miss TV in general (and I hardly ever watched it at home!).  I haven’t figured out how to solve this yet, but a few options would be buy internet wifi, and then buying some sort of online NFL subscription or game streaming, etc.  Anyone have any ideas for me on how to get me some football and basketball?

6.       To feel normal: Receiving letters or packages from home are incredible.  My grandmas is the one who sends me consistent letters (even if I don’t write back to all of them) and it always makes me feel normal.  She tells me about her life, simple things, or about all the family.   Sometimes I get tired of trying to describe life here to people so it’s such a gift when others update me on every day random things about life.

·         letters

·         pictures

·         things that mean something to you or represent you

7.       Lastly, to make this life my own means renting a house of my own.  My friend Morgan and I plan to rent a house for the next year starting in January.  I created a GOFUNDME page to raise money since this is an expense I didn’t raise support for nor can I afford on my own. 

It will cost $5,200 for the whole year including rent, electricity, water, and furnishings. You can go to gofundme.com/mamakate to donate there or mail a check to: 208 Scenic Circle, Marshall, WI 53559.

Most of all, I need prayer.  The greatest gift I can ever receive is utterance of your words to our Father on my behalf.  

Blessings, love, and so much joy to you all!

$28.50

$12.50

$13

$15