Who I Am -- Poems from Swazi Students

"I feel depressed about hatred, poverty, and prostitution." 

-Celane, male, age 14

I Am Poem from Thulile, age 15:
"I was a young girl looking for purpose in life.
I am a young girl who knows what life is...it's too difficult, but people don't know what is life, they keep doing wrong things.
I feel love when I see young girls fight for their life.
I become angry when I see young girls become pregnant.
I become sad when they throw away the key they have for their future.
I become worried about myself when I see young girls pregnant.
I feel depressed about them because they don't know what they're doing in their life.
I seem happiest when they know the Lord God is for everyone who needs him. I am sorry for everyone who has a big problem, but let me tell you that you be the hero to yourself and kind to your opponent.  Forget about what people are saying but know that the Lord will be with you forever.
Sometimes we depend on our friends but they tell us bad things, that is why some get pregnant, but girls, let me tell you that money cannot buy love but happiness and peace can buy love forever."

I Am Poem from Zamokuhle, age 12:
"I was a young girl.
I am looking for a purpose in life.
I feel loved when my mother buys me school shoes.
I become angry when people do not hug me.
I appear sad when my friends don't play with me.
I taste success when I can eat ice-cream.
I feel depressed about my classmates.
I become worried when my teacher Ms. Kate don't come to school for one week.
I appear confident when I passed English.
I seem frustrated when people die of HIV and AIDS.
I look forward to my future because I want to help people."

Poem from Wandile, age 12:
I am a boy.
I feel loved when I have money.
I become angry when my mother is beating me.
I appear sad when I fail at school.
I seem happiest when I'm eating.
I taste success in sweets.
I feel depressed when I'm fighting.
I become worried when my friends are fighting.
I appear confident when we are writing a test.
I seem frustrated when I'm angry.
I look forward to the future because I want to be a doctor.

Poem from Celane, age 14:
I was born in Swaziland.
I am a boy.
I become angry when [soccer] players miss the ball.
I seem happiest when the poem was describing a soccer game.
I taste success whenever I write a soccer composition.
I feel depressed about hatred, poverty, and prostitution.
I hate when I can't solve the problems of the people.

The Voice of Truth

Two things I don't know what I'd do without: Skype and Christina Hostetter.

I finally got to hear directly from Swaziland today from Ayanda and Tenele!  I told them the day I'd be getting to Swazi this summer and their giggles and squeals lit up my heart!  "Ah, Mama...I hear your voice, now I want to see your face!" my sweet Tenele-Bell sighed. She updated me on life and said the man that was coming after her has gone away now, so she feels a little bit safer.  She also said her real mother called her and asked to see her and Lucia.  But Tenele told me, "But my heart is not good to see her right now.  If I go there I think of my life...my step-mom who beat me, my real mom who doesn't love me.  So, I tell her no."  She said her heart hurts when she thinks about it.  I commended her for her strength and she responded with, "I no have good life. I pray one day God give me good life.  I think my life no changed if you didn't come, Mama."  Then she said these following beautiful words,

"God saved my life, and then he gave me you."

She proceeded to tell me about how thankful she is for Christina Hostetter, Hosea's Heart's long term volunteer living in Swazi, and how much she has helped her.  "Christina she's good for me.  She take me like you," Tenele said.  To translate, that means Christina has taken Tenele on like her own daughter, and Tenele can feel it.  She knows there's something special about Christina and that she truly cares.  It took Tenele more than nine months to finally trust my love for her, and now she can see that same love reflected in Christina, because it's a love from above.  She trusts Christina, and that says more about the character of Christina than anything else could.  I owe Christina the world for how she has taken care of my kids and so much more.

After talking with umtfwana wami, I got to hear Lucia's precious murmurs and giggles, too!  Tenele tried getting her to say, "Hello Gogo" on the phone, but Lucia just laughed and then whined.  I sang to her a little bit and Ayanda said that's when she started really giggling.  When Ayanda took the phone back and said goodbye to Tenele and Lucia, she told me, "They're both still smiling and laughing."

Talking with Ayanda is always enlightening.  She never ceases to amaze me, and God never ceases to use her to speak truth and encouragement into my life.  "It's been too long," Ayanda first scolded me for not calling recently.  "You've been too busy."

She doesn't know how true those words really are.  I have been too busy, too busy even for myself, and unfortunately too busy for my kids, too. We talked for a long time and I was trying to get her to share some information she was not wanting to share.  She told me I had to share something about me first.  I said, "Okay, what do you want to know?"

She laughed and said, "You know.  You know your secret."  I was thinking, what secret? when she interrupted... "Hey, when you first started talking I can tell something's not right.  Something's on your mind you're trying to avoid. I see how you are talking, you catch your words...like you're hiding something."

Surprised at her words of truth I was silent.  I indeed had a rough week but didn't like telling anyone about it.  I am usually so good at hiding. So, I was unaware that the way I was talking gave her an indication that something was up.

"That's okay," she ventured in.  "You can tell me later because I think you're doubting yourself."

How can this 16 year old across the ocean possibly know what's going on just by hearing my voice?  She understands me more than I understand myself sometimes.  

 "Don't ever have a doubt in yourself," she stated kindly.  Those words could not have come at a better time from such a pure and loving heart.

She thinks I know more about life than she does, that I have answers, and she says she looks up to me.  I disagree.  "Ayanda, you know more about life than I do," I told her.  It amazes me that my spiritual mentor is a 16 year old living in a different world. Just proof that the Holy Spirit has a voice at any age.  

Everyone needs an Ayanda in life.  What a gift, she's such a gift.

So these two wonderful children, Ayanda and Tenele, are awaiting the opening of Hope for Life, which should open by next week! Check out Christina's blog updates for on the field stories: http://christinahealingheart.blogspot.com/

Letter to my Lilies

To My Precious Daughter,

You are called to be a lily among thorns.  You are called to excellence amidst a world of mediocrity.  You are called to live a life worthy of true love.  You are called to wait—to wait for this true love.  Enduring patience is the key to this excellence.  Too many people are satisfied with mediocrity; they are lukewarm.  Not you.  No, my daughter, not you.  You should crave excellence, to be steaming hot.  Waiting for the right one and staying pure for the One will be increasingly difficult, but it will be more than worth it.

                For, I have waited; actually, I still am waiting for God to bring me His chosen one.  But I know he’s coming—not for me, but for you.  I have waited and I have struggled; it has been lonely and empty at times, and often I cried.   But even in my loneliness, my bitterness, my pain, I won’t give in to mediocrity, I won’t give in to temporary pleasure.  I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, and I will not trade that for anything.  God has put men into my life who have shown me excellence—they’ve inspired me to be excellent.  So, I know my husband, your father, will be excellent.  He will come for you and for me.  In fact, I pray for him now as I do, you.  This is who your father will be:

                He will be “the most excellent of men,” for his “lips have been anointed with grace since God has blessed [him] forever.”  He is a “mighty one,” clothed in “splendor and majesty.”  He “rides forth victoriously in behalf of TRUTH, HUMILITY, and RIGHTEOUSNESS.”  His “right hand will display awesome deeds. Amen.”  (Psalm 45)

                What a man, huh?  He is worth the wait because he is worthy of leading and loving you.  He, too, is calling you to excellence.  For, you are made to be a lily among thorns. 

All my love,

Mama