Dear Kate,
It is my very nature to be 100% honest, and this is no
exception. Sometimes the truth hurts, but you need to hear it.
Though I enjoy being sought after, the truth is you will
never win me. I am not a game, a scoreboard, a reward, or an achievement.
I am like a butterfly; the more you try to catch me, the
more you lose me. And the more you find yourself in places you were never
supposed to be – driven by the distraction of something that will only always
allude you.
You like a challenge; I like that. You don’t settle for
mediocrity; I like that. You enjoy building, writing, and creating with your
own to hands; I like that. You are task-oriented and feel most worthy upon
completion of something tangible; I like that. BUT…
I am not a product; I am a process.
Although I must be pursued, the truth is you will never
catch me. I am not like you; for, I have no regrets, I have no reverse, I have
no fear, and I only have one gear: forward. Onwards. Up. Above. Beyond.
If you follow me, you must learn to be content with
always being behind, one foot shorter, two steps behind, and always a little
less than.
I am in the purest sense, whole. I am completeness. But obsessive
pursuit of me can instead spurn storms of brokenness.
You see, what you don’t yet understand is that the closer
you get to me, the more you fall behind. The light in me that you seek to make
you whole is the same source that exposes your secrets, your weaknesses, your
failures, your inadequacies. When you realize that it’s okay to be broken, then
my light won’t hurt you so much.
I am created to be followed.
For I will lead you to your final destination. But do not try to be me. There is only one of me. One.
There is only one of you. One.
True joy comes in accepting both who you are and who you’re
not.
So, let me be me. And you be you.
I’m cheering for you.
Sincerely,
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Perfection
******
Writing this letter to myself has brought great freedom!
I've been in a bit of a rut lately and couldn't figure out why. A song came on that I've heard hundreds of times, but these words spoke directly to my confusion: "You don't have to prove yourself. You don't have to be someone else. You are loved."
I am very aware of my weaknesses, almost too aware that it hinders my joy. I spend so much time trying to prove to myself that I can fix them. But at the end of the day, what am I trying to prove? That I'm worthy? That I'm lovable? That I'm perfect?
To whom? To the girls, to my staff, to my God, to me?
I'm tired of trying to be perfect, trying to prove myself, trying to earn love.
There is freedom in being broken. There is joy in weakness. There is strength in love.
I am broken. I am weak. And I am still loved despite it!
