Christmas List: Lesson of a Priceless Life

Sometimes going to the girls home can feel like entering a black hole. If spiritual warfare is particularly high that day or if the enemy of the past -who laboriously visits the girls' minds - is invited to stay, then a cloud of darkness seems to mask itself as the ceiling. Sometimes it feels like entering a fortress of defeated dreams. Sometimes it feels like energy is zapped out of me, as if those I'm ministering to are attempting to suck the life right out of me. Sometimes I forget. I forget the horrors of their past. I forget the doubts and lies that still tug at their worth and torture their dreams to a silent scream. Sometimes I forget that sitting so close to this kind of pain and heartache day after day has a grave effect on me and my own happiness. Sometimes I don't notice that my smile has retreated or even worse my laugh has gone to sleep.

But then in the midst of "sometimes" it just takes ONE time to change it all. The "one" moments are not often profound, dramatic, or even worth telling a story. Usually those moments are simple, tender, and extraordinarily contagious. It's Joy. Joy is so powerful that it takes one moment to undo a lifetime of darkness. True joy. I'm not talking about happiness, for that kind of pleasure is great and we need it, but it lasts only a moment. The joy I'm talking about is the Joy as a Choice. Joy that says, even though there's a cloud above my head, my HEART knows the sun is out there; and so we choose to rejoice in the sunshine, even if we cannot see it.

It's this very lesson I gave the girls last week. For our nightly devotion, I tried teaching them the difference between happiness and joy, and that joy was their choice. It is something that cannot be taken from them. The lesson morphed into an early Christmas wish list. They began to dream and write up a list of things that would make them both happy and give them joy. Reading their lists was remarkable. They understood. They understood more than I did the difference between joy and happiness.  They wrote some material items they wanted, but most lists were filled with wishes to do something - opportunity, experience, service = all things that give us JOY.  A number of them wrote a way to bless me. For example, one of the youngest wrote: "To help you clean your house," and "To stay overnight with you." Another one wrote: "To buy you a car and new house when I'm old. (And you can't say 'no thanks')"  Their lists amazed me so much, that I think we can all learn from them.

Here are some of their wishes:

 Can you tell what their favorite restaurant here is? :)

Amazing, isn't it? Remarkable, aren't they? So, who wants to help bless them with items on their wish list? Due to shipping costs and that fact that it takes at least a month (sometimes 3) to get any items here, it will work best if people could donate money in the name of certain item so that we can purchase it here. However, if there's something small (like a ring or watch) you could send in an envelope (cheaper and faster) you could mail it here.

So, for anyone wanting to send Christmas blessings, please do this:

-Go to www.hoseasheart.org/donate and donate the amount of money you'd like to give for a certain item.
-Please leave a note that says which item it is for. If you don't need to specify a certain item, you can leave a note that says, "Christmas gift for girls" and we will add it something that is not yet purchased. Since some of their wishes are not for items but for outings, general donation amounts will enable us to take them out for a day trip or do something extra fun like go to a swimming pool or something else for Christmas.
-Please contact me personally to let me know what you have donated so I can then send you pictures of the items we are able to buy from your donations.
-You can also feel free to mail a card/letter so that I can give it with your gift.

Please address as follows:
Hosea's Heart
PO Box C2536
Hub-Manzini
Manzini
Swaziland
Africa

Ayanda's American Adventure

“How are you doing, Ayanda?” the flight attendant in charge of an entirely different section of our plane came over to check on the ecstatic and terrified young woman sitting next to me. Ayanda has that magnetic effect on people.  

“Good, good!” she beamed from ear to ear while catching her breaths.

“What do you think so far?” he asked in a language similar to SiSwati to give Ayanda a sense of comfort.

“I thought we were gonna die,” she said honestly. During takeoff, Ayanda was so scared that she grabbed not only my hand but also the hand of the stranger sitting next to her. She didn’t ask, but the stranger didn’t seem to mind Ayanda squeezing the life out of her hand. Ayanda has that charm.

“We should try to sleep now,” I tell Ayanda, as I’m already putting my watch ahead to match American time.

“Okay,” she closes her eyes. Not more than 30 seconds later she opens them again. “Nah, I’m too excited!”

I smile at the miracle sitting next to me. Really it’s a miracle. A rags to riches type. A rural girl from a tiny unknown country that sometimes doesn’t even make it on the map of Africa decides to dream for something everyone told her was impossible. And here we are, on a huge plane together, experiencing a life above clouds she’s never dreamt of.  A life for her I never imagined.

On our second flight (from Dubai to Chicago), we got split up and couldn’t get seats next to each other. I tried to ask the flight attendants to switch us around so we could sit together but the flight was full and we couldn’t. I was so worried about her sitting with strangers many rows ahead of me and out sight. But soon I could hear her laughter rolling back towards my row and I knew she’d be fine. Of course she’d make friends with the two strange men sitting in her window section. She has that charisma.

Once we landed in Chicago and went through customs, Ayanda and I got separated again as she had to go through an entirely different process in entering my country than I did, of course. It seemed like hours, though, as I waited and waited on the other side of the glass booths. I had so much time that I was able to go the bathroom multiple times and collect all our luggage, and worry worry worry about a million scenarios if Ayanda didn’t walk through customs.

FINALLY, I saw her and she nearly ran to me.

“I thought this was America?!” she exclaimed. “No one around me spoke any English! I think the lady directing us was speaking in Korean or something. I didn’t understand a thing until someone finally noticed my panic and explained in English!”

Diversity of cultures was not the only culture shock for Ayanda. When she was asked what was the greatest culture shock she answered, “All the short shorts!” In Swaziland, it is publicly inappropriate to wear short clothing. “I could basically see that girl’s butt!” she explained how she covered her eyes with her hand and then realized she was in public and people would think she’s the crazy one. One more culture shock was after she was at college for a couple weeks. She said, “I can’t believe how some people really hate God. One guy was bashing the Bible, and he was so aggressive about it that I was afraid to say anything.” This from the girl who has faith to cure blindness of a multitude.

There were many firsts I got to experience with Ayanda. My favorite was her first brat. That’s all she could talk about for the first three weeks of America. “I need to make sure I can have brats in my dorm room!” Another favorite was her first time in the lake and first time wearing a life jacket. She had no confidence that it would keep her floating. She was terrified and nearly drowned my brother because she couldn’t trust the life jacket.

Ayanda met a million people with me the first weeks together. She was such a champ. If I were in her shoes, I would’ve wanted to crawl into a hole and tell everyone to leave me alone for a week so I could catch my breath. But day after day, she took in new sights, new sounds, new air, and lots of new people. Somehow, she never complained.  But that’s just Ayanda for you.

After Ayanda moved in on campus, she immediately asked about on-campus jobs. One of her childhood dreams was to be an actress, so when she found out she could apply for a job working in the theatre, she was thrilled. We tried to help her prepare for her very first interview. She was hardly nervous, though. I envied her.  Thirty minutes after the start of her interview she returned.

“Oh, did they reschedule?” I assumed she didn’t get the interview.

“No, I just finished,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Oh. What did they say about when you can find out if you got the job?”

“I already got it!” she exclaimed.

“What?! How?” But I didn’t need to ask. After all, it’s Ayanda. And she has “it”—whatever it is that sets people apart on first glance, first impression, first anything.  “What questions did they ask you?”

“Oh, he just said, ‘Tell me a little bit about yourself,’ so I basically talked about that the whole time. Then after awhile he said, ‘I’m hiring you.’”

But all the fun and excitement couldn’t last. Ayanda and I were both dreading when it was time for me to head back to Swazi. It ripped my heart to have to leave her and to know she was terrified of my absence. I knew the homesickness she was already experiencing and I knew the intensity it would increase to over the next couple weeks. I knew how much money she still had left to raise and now it was all in her hands and not mine. There was no way her part time campus job would get her any more than some spending money for clothes, books, and other necessities. How in the world would she finish paying tuition, let alone raise enough for the next semester?

Ayanda met many people her first couple weeks, but one significant meeting was with the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration. They awarded her a last minute scholarship (after she had tried multiple times to get scholarships – and received none) which finished her first semester payment and even added a downpayment on semester two! She still has funds left to raise, but now she can sleep at night knowing she doesn’t have to worry about finding sponsors for first semester on top of working part time, being a full time student, and learning full time about how to survive in this American culture.

A month or so after I had left her in America, she called me many times in tears and in desire to come home. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t fit in, couldn’t understand her professors, couldn’t figure out all the online documents and submissions that the professors required. She was gravely lonely and feared failing. She was worried about letting her sponsors down – disappointing all the hundred + people who have or currently are supporting her financially or otherwise. She was worried about her family in Swazi and missing the girls at the girls home. “I just want to come home,” she kept saying.  I didn’t need to tell her no; she knew she would stay. All I could do was tell her how proud I am of her and how I don’t know one other person in this world who can do what she is doing right now. She cried at her first F and was stressed about her midterms. She was lonely as she felt like the only one left in the dorm while her neighbors went out to parties (to which she kindly and consistently declined invitations).

But recently, her phone calls are different. Her smile is genuine. She still sheds some tears in the ache of missing home and feeling alone, but she is shining. Really shining. She showed me her scores on her midterms and her papers and my heart soared. Her hardest class she was able to increase her scores to 80% and 90% on her papers! She meets with professors, the college counselor, a mentor Sister, tutors, work friends and school friends, and still has time to call me. J I am amazed. If you want proof of God, proof of miracles, proof that Hope can give life, simply spend five minutes with this girl.

I’m not exaggerating when I say This Girl is Destined to Change the World.   

  For supporting Ayanda, please visit: https://hoseasheart.org/support-type/sponsorships/
Or 
https://www.gofundme.com/ayandas-college-dream

-->

To Fail But Not To Fear

The highlight of my trip back to the States in May/June of this year was having the incredible honor of blessing the last class of students that I taught before I moved to Swaziland. This is the class that tore the heart right out of my chest -- 14 and 15 year olds who made it painfully obvious they were hurt by my leaving yet 100% supportive of my move. They sent letters, packages, emails, facebook messages, and so much love. In the three years after my move, even as they got older and busier, they never failed to remind me that I was valued, appreciated, and supported. So, how do you possibly write a graduation speech worthy enough of their character? Writing usually comes easy for me - very easy. This was the hardest piece of writing I've ever tried. I had writers block more on this one speech than in all my writing combined. I finally realized I had to drown the perfectionist inside me and just write what I think would give them the best lives possible. And so, with no further ado, what I said to them, I can say to you, in hopes that we can all make this world one to remember: 

  

There is None Like You Class of 2017 Speech

...

Did you know you have a right to fail?

I believe our greatest downfall as educators and parents is giving you the false idea that it’s not okay to fail or to prevent you from failing. But you need to fail. To fail is to be human. As Pedro said in his speech freshman year on Rocky, “It’s not about how hard you can hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. Get back up and keep moving forward.”

But, I believe some of you are sitting in these seats, settling for a second rate version of yourself and future, unable to dream, because you’re afraid. Afraid of what others might think, afraid to dream, afraid of not being good enough. But you cannot let fear keep you from doing something radical, impactful, important, and larger than life. You would be robbing yourself, community, and our world of an opportunity that others would die for. There are people who would do anything to be in your shoes and have the choices you have about colleges or jobs or gap years. So don’t let fear give you a watered-down version of your dream or stop you from making the most out of this freedom. Dare to do something no one has done! To go somewhere no one has been! To be the best version no one else has seen! To the ones who will never get this chance, make them proud of you. Take this opportunity, and make it worth it. Have courage to fail.

You also need courage to face loneliness. The fear of loneliness is perhaps the most dangerous of all. It can cripple us, suffocate our dreams, and push us into addictions or behaviors that shame us: whether it’s drugs, alcohol, sex, work, or pornography. None of these is harmless. Did you know that self-control is your key to freedom? Sounds ironic because control sounds like limitations and being fenced-in. But the truth is if you don’t have self-control you are not in control of yourself or your desires, which means your desires or something else is in control of you. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m an abolitionist. I want to be free and I want others to be free. So practice self-control and you will experience freedom. It’s the only way to survive in the face of loneliness.

As most of you know… I’m 30 and I’m still single. I say STILL single because I’ve spent 30 valentine’s days “alone.” Never had a serious boyfriend or romance worth telling you about. Does that make me lonely? Sure it does. But does being lonely make me less worthy?  Does being single make me weak? Unattractive? Unsatisfied?  Or would you say my singleness has given me strength, beauty, and life in the fullest! Ladies and gentlemen, there is beauty and life in being single.  For that is where you learn how to deal with the loneliness. There is nothing you can do to prevent yourselves from feeling lonely in life. When I was struggling with my singleness once, my married friend said to me, “Kate, I would much rather be single and lonely than married and lonely.”  Now what she meant was that loneliness is not for those without relationships. True loneliness is at the heart of those who are IN relationships.

It’s okay to be lonely, it’s okay to fail. But it’s not okay to let fear make you less of the man or woman you are meant to be.

We all know someone who has already conquered both of these fears. His name is Mario Miller. He did not let his circumstances, fear, or injustices take any life out of him. Instead, he achieved impossible things. He defied doctors, medications, machines. He may have lost some things but never did he lose his fight, purpose, courage, or his character. And because of that we will never lose him.

There is a Super Mario in all of you. You have the ability to overcome, to do impossible things if only you believe there is none like you.