Oh how common it is for my plans to fail. Plans here constantly change – SO much – that it drains me. Why keep a schedule and even make a plan if it never comes through? The negativity clouded. But I kept on my plastered smile and attempted to cover up my disappointment with the girls but their disappointment just magnified mine. Finally, I addressed them all and admitted I was hot, frustrated, and upset, but mostly because I couldn’t give them the New Year’s Eve party that I had hoped for. Their disappointment cleared like parting clouds at hearing how much I wanted to make this fun for them. Last year I learned to clearly state my feelings with the girls so there would be no assumptions, doubts, lingering spaces for Satan to sit in the gaps. It’s amazing how much clear communication can lead to unity and joy.
So with that, we packed into my living room (the hottest room on campus because my house has terrible air flow issues), pretended we were sun-bathing and had a party full of worship and prayer and sweets anyway! The first day of 2021 I successfully accomplished my main goal for the year – to keep JOY in ALL circumstances.
In order to keep joy, I’ve had to be very intentional about being thankful. Whether whispering gratitude to the Holy Spirit throughout the day or reflecting in my journal about the things I was thankful for, it has helped me keep joy in circumstances where previously, I would’ve gotten frustrated, exhausted, angry, or bitter, etc. Recently, we had a midnight prayer session with the girls and we all prayed aloud together at the same time, listing as many things as we could think of to be thankful for. It was one of the longest stream of consciousness prayers we’ve ever had! The list was never ending! It was SO cool to have the challenge to list as many things as possible without stopping. You should try it. It’s TRANSFORMATIONAL!
It’s now January 31st, and I laugh at the month that just passed. A LOT of hard things in just one month, but SO MUCH GOONDESS! I’ve felt a brand new connection to the girls, and I’m still dumbfounded at their service and attentive care for me. A couple girls volunteered to come clean my house one afternoon during their free time – their free time! What teenagers do that? During the after effects of a cyclone, we were dumped on with rainstorms and I had to be outside in the downpour, digging a trench so an area and corner of my house wouldn’t get flooded – in the middle of the downpour, one girl comes dressed in her raincoat, “Mom, do you want help?” Just the other night I had asked a girl to come help Benji and Lu with their homework because I was still working late; she noticed I hadn’t even eaten dinner yet and asked if she could make me something. And yesterday, Benji and Lucia planned a “Sunday service” for me where they performed their own dances and then washed my feet.
I mean…HOLY FIRE, continue to surprise me! I just have no words to describe how I feel in January 2021 except three letters: JOY. Abundant joy, not defined by circumstance or plans, but given as a fruit of sowing in the Holy Spirit.
My connection to the Holy Spirit has been heightened ever since I did a Marian retreat in December when I snuck home for 2 weeks to spend time with my fam and grandma. Mother Mary, the spouse of the Holy Spirit, the one human on earth whom God entrusted HIMSELF to – like what? Can we just marvel over that for a minute? God entrusted HIMSELF – as GOD – to a human being, a woman. And in her young womb, He knit together HIMSELF, a Son, our Savior. As people can get carried away with “devotion to Mary” as many accuse Catholics of being (I have struggled with this a lot and also feel sometimes people’s attention to Mary is too much), YET on the other hand, other Christians don’t pay ANY attention at all to this amazing human being who should be our human-hero and role model and mother figure of the faith (rather than looking to celebrities, our own human moms, sports heroes, politicians, queens, singers/artists, government leaders, talk show hosts, etc.). Let us not forget Jesus’ command to his own disciple just before he died, “Behold, your mother,” and “from that hour John took her into his own home” (John 19:27).
After this Marian retreat and studying scriptures of Mary and commentaries on her, I was astounded at her grace, her devotion, her resilience, humble obedience, her willingness to walk the path of pain, a sword piercing her own soul, and she never wavered. Her authority is astounding. Reread Jesus’ first miracle, the wedding at Cana. The most amazing part is not that Jesus turned water into wine, but it’s of Mary’s faith! Mary had the first authority over the servants when she told them, “Do whatever he tells you” (John 2:5). They listen to her and then obey Jesus. She knew, she believed before she saw. What about us? Do we need proof – proof of God’s voice, proof that He is calling, proof that He is good, proof of miracles? Or can we be like Mary and believe before we see? That is true faith. Jesus is both fully God and fully man and was entrusted to Mary, fully human. It’s no wonder the devil and his stronghold crumbles where there is mention of the humble virgin, the first disciple. Indeed, as I’ve written before and some know more fully than others of the demonic realm that is real and particularly visible in this culture, and I tell you honestly, where there is the *rosary it means torture for the demon and victory for us. Because in his great pride, Satan cannot stand the fact that God chose a lowly human being to entrust HIMSELF to, to bring the Savior into the world, to crush darkness under the weight of the cross, and roll the stone of death away – forever. Eternally His. When Satan reminds you of your present troubles, don’t forget to remind him of his future!
Isn’t that exactly what this journey to unstoppable, untakable, unbreakable joy is anyway? Realizing that my present troubles cannot outweigh the greater glory yet to come. Yes, I believe even before I see. So bring on February! (and every month of this year for that matter!)
*Contrary to some Christian assumptions, The Rosary is NOT a serious of prayers to Mary.
It is the Gospel meditation, a series of purposefully repetitive prayers as one meditates on the Word of God – the life and ministry, death and resurrection of Jesus, all Scripture passages at every recitation. The prayers in the rosary are declaration of faith; Glory Be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; the Our Father, and the Hail Mary.
The Hail Mary prayer is taken directly from Scripture: The angel Gabriel says, “Hail Mary, full of favor(grace)! The Lord is with you.” (Luke 1:26-30). Then Elizabeth, “filled with the Holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice saying, ‘Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!” Notice her next statement of honoring God’s authority in choosing and honoring Mary: “How does this happen to me that the Mother of my Lord should come to me?” (Luke 1:41-43). The rest of the Hail Mary prayer is to ask for her prayers for us. Holy Mary, Mother of God (Luke 1:43), pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.” Which leaves us with the only controversial part being whether or not you believe we can ask for others to pray for us, on earth or in heaven. And from there we can agree to disagree, cuz I want prayers from heaven! ;)
A few of my January joys...
