All I Need

It has never taken me this long to think of what to write.  Yet, I still don’t know how to summarize what has been going on this past month and a half.  Major things have happened, like my parents coming to visit, Tenele’s mile markers, and starting my new teaching job.  There are just too many stories, it actually stresses me out thinking of how to explain them.  Maybe it’s just my mood lately or the fact that being the mother of 15 girls is finally hitting me how draining it is. 

Trying to get 15 girls back into a workable routine is extremely exhausting, especially when they are on so many different emotional levels and different stages in life.  One feels like a failure and is under immense stress after receiving her Form 5 school results; one is pregnant from a rape that occurred 5 months ago but was so confused and still finds it difficult to believe a baby is growing inside her stomach; one still suffers in anxiety of being accepted into school after she’s been turned down again and again with the phrase, “Sorry, we are full”; one has changed dramatically after coming back from break and is extremely disrespectful and rude to us all; one doesn’t know how to handle her anger; one tries to run away because she’s addicted to a life of begging on the streets from which she came; one still wets the bed; and too many think that the best way to fight is with their hands. On top of that, trying to restore order and cleanliness is nearly impossible on my own.  Their lack of responsibility and care for materials they’ve been given is driving me crazy.  

Someone recently asked me, “What do you need?”  And I talked about some financial needs for the girls home.  But she paused and repeated, “I mean, you.  What do YOU need?”  I couldn’t answer that.  Sure, I want things, but I honestly don’t know what I need.  But God does.  And He’s a much better person to go to with that question, so it reminded me to stop and ask God for what I need: wisdom, grace, forgiveness, peace, courage, endurance, joy, and most of all a heart like His.  That’s all I need.  He called me to it, and he'll get me through it.   :)