To Fail But Not To Fear

The highlight of my trip back to the States in May/June of this year was having the incredible honor of blessing the last class of students that I taught before I moved to Swaziland. This is the class that tore the heart right out of my chest -- 14 and 15 year olds who made it painfully obvious they were hurt by my leaving yet 100% supportive of my move. They sent letters, packages, emails, facebook messages, and so much love. In the three years after my move, even as they got older and busier, they never failed to remind me that I was valued, appreciated, and supported. So, how do you possibly write a graduation speech worthy enough of their character? Writing usually comes easy for me - very easy. This was the hardest piece of writing I've ever tried. I had writers block more on this one speech than in all my writing combined. I finally realized I had to drown the perfectionist inside me and just write what I think would give them the best lives possible. And so, with no further ado, what I said to them, I can say to you, in hopes that we can all make this world one to remember: 

  

There is None Like You Class of 2017 Speech

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Did you know you have a right to fail?

I believe our greatest downfall as educators and parents is giving you the false idea that it’s not okay to fail or to prevent you from failing. But you need to fail. To fail is to be human. As Pedro said in his speech freshman year on Rocky, “It’s not about how hard you can hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. Get back up and keep moving forward.”

But, I believe some of you are sitting in these seats, settling for a second rate version of yourself and future, unable to dream, because you’re afraid. Afraid of what others might think, afraid to dream, afraid of not being good enough. But you cannot let fear keep you from doing something radical, impactful, important, and larger than life. You would be robbing yourself, community, and our world of an opportunity that others would die for. There are people who would do anything to be in your shoes and have the choices you have about colleges or jobs or gap years. So don’t let fear give you a watered-down version of your dream or stop you from making the most out of this freedom. Dare to do something no one has done! To go somewhere no one has been! To be the best version no one else has seen! To the ones who will never get this chance, make them proud of you. Take this opportunity, and make it worth it. Have courage to fail.

You also need courage to face loneliness. The fear of loneliness is perhaps the most dangerous of all. It can cripple us, suffocate our dreams, and push us into addictions or behaviors that shame us: whether it’s drugs, alcohol, sex, work, or pornography. None of these is harmless. Did you know that self-control is your key to freedom? Sounds ironic because control sounds like limitations and being fenced-in. But the truth is if you don’t have self-control you are not in control of yourself or your desires, which means your desires or something else is in control of you. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m an abolitionist. I want to be free and I want others to be free. So practice self-control and you will experience freedom. It’s the only way to survive in the face of loneliness.

As most of you know… I’m 30 and I’m still single. I say STILL single because I’ve spent 30 valentine’s days “alone.” Never had a serious boyfriend or romance worth telling you about. Does that make me lonely? Sure it does. But does being lonely make me less worthy?  Does being single make me weak? Unattractive? Unsatisfied?  Or would you say my singleness has given me strength, beauty, and life in the fullest! Ladies and gentlemen, there is beauty and life in being single.  For that is where you learn how to deal with the loneliness. There is nothing you can do to prevent yourselves from feeling lonely in life. When I was struggling with my singleness once, my married friend said to me, “Kate, I would much rather be single and lonely than married and lonely.”  Now what she meant was that loneliness is not for those without relationships. True loneliness is at the heart of those who are IN relationships.

It’s okay to be lonely, it’s okay to fail. But it’s not okay to let fear make you less of the man or woman you are meant to be.

We all know someone who has already conquered both of these fears. His name is Mario Miller. He did not let his circumstances, fear, or injustices take any life out of him. Instead, he achieved impossible things. He defied doctors, medications, machines. He may have lost some things but never did he lose his fight, purpose, courage, or his character. And because of that we will never lose him.

There is a Super Mario in all of you. You have the ability to overcome, to do impossible things if only you believe there is none like you.