Does Happily Ever After Exist?

"You are single and happy."

-Reason #21 on her list of 33 reasons she loves me.

If that's what she sees - that I can be happily in love and then go through heartbreak coming out still being single and happy - then every minute of singleness is worth it.

Because culture is telling her, telling you, telling me true happiness is in a romance - a forever partner, the one true love, the big white wedding, the vows (though I'm not sure people understand what a vow is anymore), the babies, the happily ever after engagement sessions and pictures on social media. I'm not saying any of these desires are wrong…But…

What if we stopped living for romance and started living for love?

There's a HUGE difference. I can be single and happy (even when it still hurts) because I know this difference.

I am single and happy (despite loneliness, sadness, etc.) because...

I believe in love - a deep, fierce, compassionate, unending love. And I believe this love exists outside of a romantic relationship. I don't need a Romeo to know I am worth dying for. The cross is already a greater promise than an engagement ring.
I may get lonely from one day to the next, but I choose love over romance any day.

Here's why:

Love is patient; romance is passion (and passion hardly knows how to wait).
Love is kind (without seeking return); romance comes with many expectations.

 
Love does not envy, boast, and is not proud, but Romance plasters itself all over social media, magazines, movies, etc. – boasting, jealous, and prideful. Love, however, is usually in the small, un-postable things, like forgiving your spouse after a fight, forgiving yourself, going to counseling, seeking advice, taking out the trash, cooking countless meals, lying down your pride, letting him win an argument, saying I love you even when you don’t feel like it, etc.

Love is not self-seeking, but Romance is masked by self-desire – to feel wanted, needed.

 
Romance has a score sheet while love keeps no record of wrongs.
Romance (or lack of) can offend, but love is not easily angered.
Romance makes excuses for lust, but love does not delight in any kind of sin.
Romance tells you what you want to hear, but love speaks truth, even if it hurts.

Romance is based on feelings, while love is action; it bears up, believes, hopes, and endures all things.

Romance never lasts, but Love never fails.
(1 Cor 13)
When we finally stop pining for romance, we begin to see love ALL over!

This revelation helps me balance expectations in a relationship, because my expectations have been insanely high, bordering perfectionism. So I started reflecting, Why is it that I felt the “need” for my boyfriend to buy me flowers when my 6 year old son picks his own and gives them to me with a kiss on the forehead? Shouldn't that be enough? Why do I "need" that from my boyfriend when I can get even greater love than this? Or why is it that I expect my boyfriend to be creative and make a list of why he loves me, when I have a daughter telling me 33 reasons she loves me for my 33rd bday. I mean, wow. Love is so much broader and deeper than romance! Romance is great, yes of course; but it’s meant to be the icing ON the cake, NOT THE CAKE ITSELF! Love is the cake, romance is the frosting. Then, and only then, can we be happy and single, happy and married, happy and dating, happy and not.

Happily ever after does exist 

IF we learn to stop living for romance and start living for love.