Double Dozen
It’s been 12 years now
Since I met that 12 year old
Who changed the course of my life
Today she turns the double dozen
At my gut groans as my mind turns back
The clock of time
She’s 12 years old and I am naïve
“Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Lord,” I sing
A first-time missionary wanting to help
Not knowing how broken I would have to become
Not knowing what sexual abuse does to the heart of Jesus
Not knowing helping her would take a lifetime
So I leave with nothing but a hopeful dream to return someday
And her teardrops in my pocket
But then she’s 13 and I’m told finding her is impossible
That I will never see her again
That there are too many other girls who need help
I should let her go
Instead, I let their voices go,
and I make a promise in my journal:
“I will go to any and every great length to find her!
Lord, if it takes another life to save hers, take mine.”
By a miracle, I find her
And though I only held her for moment then
I know I’ll love her for a lifetime
She’s 14 and I come back for her
Against all odds and people telling me she’s not worth
risking my safety, my time, my resources, my love
I return for her
And every time I see her, I see Jesus
But the year passes quickly and my time is up
She’s 15 and I leave her
With a baby girl growing in her belly
I return to the States with a brokenness I have never known before
She’s 16 years old and it’s 2012
[Twelve seems to be my special number]
I co-found Hosea’s Heart
And a baby girl named Lucia is born
As we begin to make our dream for a home come true
She’s 17 and pregnant again, this time a baby boy
We open our first safe home
And welcome immediately five girls, including her
But her happy ending doesn’t come
Our local partners don’t like her having a child
No matter the cause or reason of abuse
They kick her out and shatter her dreams of ever
Believing in home
She’s 18 and I move to Swaziland – indefinitely, finally
It’s about time something permanent happens for her
But my happy ending doesn’t come
[Yet]
As I had left her multiple times in the past few years,
She leaves me, too, running from me and the hope I offer,
Never able to believe it’s real and free and without a cost.
…
Today, she’s the Double Dozen and I’m a mother to many
I still see her in her own children – the ones I’m raising
I hear her laugh when her 8 year old giggles
I see her eyes when her 7 year old boy smiles
I hold her when I hold their hands
Sometimes, it’s like they can sense when I miss her
And they snuggle extra close on those days
Though we are far,
We are still one.
Even though the world believes I should let her go,
It’s as if my womb believes I carried her for 9 months myself
She is a part of me.
She is in my veins, my thoughts,
My heart and my soul.
I will let her leave over and over again if I have to
Like the Prodigal father let his son leave,
But I will never let her go.
I’ll be waiting
For as long as it takes.
After all, I promised God in 2009,
“If it takes another life to save hers, take mine.”
And along the way,
While the door is still open for her,
Many more have been able to walk through
Many more whose lives and souls are now saved
Because 12 years ago
I met a 12-year-old
Whose story is not over yet
Happy Birthday, my baby girl! May this Double Dozen bring you double the blessings, favor, courage, humility, strength, and hope. Make wakho misses you!
September 7th, 2009
Oh, Lord, I have never been more consumed with anything than thinking about how to help ------, your precious 13-year-old. I really don’t know why me—why it’s me that loves her so much or why it’s her that I want to help so badly. All I know is it’s only because of you, God, and your love. I didn’t choose to love her, I just do and it’s because you have put your love for her in my heart. Oh how great is your love, O Lord! Though it is painful, it is a blessing to be able to feel how much you love and burn with passion for us and how much you want to deliver us! God, I don’t know what’s ahead but I know you have brought me here for this purpose—to help rescue your daughter, and I will go to any and every great length to find her! Lord, if it takes another life to save hers, take mine.”
