Double Dozen

Double Dozen

It’s been 12 years now

Since I met that 12 year old

Who changed the course of my life

Today she turns the double dozen

At my gut groans as my mind turns back

The clock of time

She’s 12 years old and I am naïve

“Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Lord,” I sing

A first-time missionary wanting to help

Not knowing how broken I would have to become

Not knowing what sexual abuse does to the heart of Jesus

Not knowing helping her would take a lifetime

So I leave with nothing but a hopeful dream to return someday

And her teardrops in my pocket

 

But then she’s 13 and I’m told finding her is impossible

That I will never see her again

That there are too many other girls who need help

I should let her go

Instead, I let their voices go,

and I make a promise in my journal:

“I will go to any and every great length to find her!

Lord, if it takes another life to save hers, take mine.”  

 

By a miracle, I find her

And though I only held her for moment then

I know I’ll love her for a lifetime

 

She’s 14 and I come back for her

Against all odds and people telling me she’s not worth

risking my safety, my time, my resources, my love

I return for her

And every time I see her, I see Jesus

But the year passes quickly and my time is up

She’s 15 and I leave her

With a baby girl growing in her belly

I return to the States with a brokenness I have never known before

 

She’s 16 years old and it’s 2012

[Twelve seems to be my special number]

I co-found Hosea’s Heart

And a baby girl named Lucia is born

As we begin to make our dream for a home come true

 

She’s 17 and pregnant again, this time a baby boy

We open our first safe home

And welcome immediately five girls, including her

But her happy ending doesn’t come

Our local partners don’t like her having a child

No matter the cause or reason of abuse

They kick her out and shatter her dreams of ever

Believing in home

 

She’s 18 and I move to Swaziland – indefinitely, finally

It’s about time something permanent happens for her

But my happy ending doesn’t come

[Yet]

As I had left her multiple times in the past few years,

She leaves me, too, running from me and the hope I offer,

Never able to believe it’s real and free and without a cost.

…

 

Today, she’s the Double Dozen and I’m a mother to many

I still see her in her own children – the ones I’m raising

I hear her laugh when her 8 year old giggles

I see her eyes when her 7 year old boy smiles

I hold her when I hold their hands

Sometimes, it’s like they can sense when I miss her

And they snuggle extra close on those days

 

Though we are far,

We are still one.

Even though the world believes I should let her go,

It’s as if my womb believes I carried her for 9 months myself

She is a part of me.

She is in my veins, my thoughts,

My heart and my soul.

I will let her leave over and over again if I have to

Like the Prodigal father let his son leave,

But I will never let her go.

 

I’ll be waiting

For as long as it takes.

After all, I promised God in 2009,

“If it takes another life to save hers, take mine.”

 

And along the way,

While the door is still open for her,

Many more have been able to walk through

Many more whose lives and souls are now saved

Because 12 years ago

I met a 12-year-old

Whose story is not over yet

 

Happy Birthday, my baby girl! May this Double Dozen bring you double the blessings, favor, courage, humility, strength, and hope. Make wakho misses you!

 

 

September 7th, 2009

Oh, Lord, I have never been more consumed with anything than thinking about how to help ------, your precious 13-year-old. I really don’t know why me—why it’s me that loves her so much or why it’s her that I want to help so badly. All I know is it’s only because of you, God, and your love. I didn’t choose to love her, I just do and it’s because you have put your love for her in my heart. Oh how great is your love, O Lord! Though it is painful, it is a blessing to be able to feel how much you love and burn with passion for us and how much you want to deliver us! God, I don’t know what’s ahead but I know you have brought me here for this purpose—to help rescue your daughter, and I will go to any and every great length to find her! Lord, if it takes another life to save hers, take mine.”