The Journey Was Never Easy, But My Yes Has Never Been Hard

I’ve been trying for the last two days to put into words what the last decade has meant to me. But I couldn’t. And it’s frustrated me. So I finally decided, I’m just gonna write anyway. Whatever comes, come. I mean, how can I even begin to share the testimonies, the pictures, the miracles I’ve witnessed in ten years? I can’t find the words to describe the tumultuous journey of the shocking disappointments mixed with the miraculous surprises. The ones who I thought would stay, thought they’d be around for the long haul but are long gone. And yet the delight of the ones who spat insults from day one, thought they wouldn’t last yet they are the ones still at my side. The journey has never been easy, but my yes has never been hard.

There is no way to describe what I do or who I am outside of Jesus. He is my easiest Yes, my every day Yes. He is faithful, He is Hosea, He is my Savior, Sustainer, my Builder, my Husband Redeemer, and my Best Friend. In ten years, look what He has done! And He’s allowed me to keep my pretty hair color (the stress of 36 children hasn’t given me too many grey hairs yet! Ha!), keep me young and full of youthful adventure, and give me children – on loan and for forever. I didn’t carry anyone for 9 months, but I’ve carried some of them for over 9 years+! I’m at the close of one decade and the start of another, of new dreams and new people to carry those dreams, too.

 Acknowledging the new dreams means giving thanks for the first dreams. The dream that took a small-town girl from Marshall, WI to Eswatini, Africa!

 A dream that impossible from day one.

“You won’t find her.” But I did. He led me right to her at the exact second when our two worlds collided as she drove by in the back of a truck at the exact moment I crossed the sidewalk.

 A dream that took the form opening the home in 2013, and getting the call in 2014,

“This is a house, not a home. There is no heart here. If you don’t want to see your dream collapse, you need to move here.”

So I did. I packed up my life and moved into a house with cockroaches so big that they made noises at night as they scurried across the floor and I thought it was mice. Rats and snakes were other worries, too.

“She won’t last,” betraying words from a friend whispered behind closed doors.

But I did. He was my reason, not human praise.

“I’ve never seen a home like this one. Please build more,” the social welfare visitor blessed us and asked us to expand.

And we did. It was always His plan from the beginning, and He only allowed me to know it one step at a time.

 “She can’t do it,” words were cast over the dream the transfer our home to a rural area after we bought 7.5 acres of our land. We were building and raising funds. We moved into a place with no electricity and no running water. We used a handmade “outhouse” for our toilet and had to order water trucks from the city.

But we did it.

He provided, step by step.

“Hosea’s Heart won’t last beyond this,” the doubt continued from those even in my circle.

But we did. We not only lasted, we prospered.

I remember the day when someone confessed to me bluntly, “I’m surprised Hosea’s Heart is still running,” as if my leadership was so poor it was going to devastate the entire ministry.

There were times when I felt so alone, I didn’t know if I could last. Not only had I been betrayed by my inner circle, but my children, too. There was a season where they turned on me, ignored me, rejected me, used me, in acts of manipulation to get what they wanted or to get back at me for decisions I made that they didn’t like. But I pressed on. Few remained at my side. I had my Ruth who stayed faithful and was my Hosea story. I saw Jesus in her and was reminded that you don’t need a sea of people, sometimes you just need one. I could be distracted by Judas or be grateful for Ruth. I chose gratitude and pressed on.

 “You’ll never find water here. It’s too rocky and dry.” Two bore holes were dug but empty. Indeed dry land.

But we found water. Water from a rock! Today, we have a borehole that supplies us with well water!

 “They won’t be successful after Hosea’s Heart,” people said about the precious children God gave me. Watch the mama bear come out!

College degrees, diplomas, full-time jobs, a marriage, good mothers, calling to check on me, advising younger sisters, pursuing personal ambitions and making choices (good and bad) – and that alone being a win, the freedom to make choices for their own future, fully capable and responsible for the consequences. And God didn’t spare consequences and He didn’t spare my mother’s heart. A sword has pierced mine, too. But most of all and above all, every single one of them knows Jesus. Every Single One.

And at the end of the day, after all is said and done, all that matters is their last breath is “Jesus.” There is nothing more “successful” than eternal life. And I haven’t missed the opportunity to introduce Him to even one.

I remember the day we lost on of ours to the world. She was young but promised hell if we didn’t let her leave. We called the social worker and the social took her back. She had refused to believe that the 38-year-old man who had bought her and convinced her that she was his wife from 8 years old was an abuser. He had been arrested and she placed with us but at 14 years old, she had already endured so much trauma and manipulation. She thought we were the abusers, because with us she lost her “freedom.” But one year later, she called crying. She said she messed up. She didn’t know but now she knows. She said the man she is now with abuses her and she knows that’s not love. She actually said, “I know now that’s not love.” Even if we can’t “keep” them all, the ability to show them love – it changes everything.

 So love continued to be our dream and as our wait list piled up, the dream to add more homes surged to a priority.

 “You’re crazy. That’ll never work,” they said about my dream to bring our dance and music production to the U.S.A. “What will people say? Won’t people think you’re just making excuses to get girls to America?”

But frankly, at this point, I didn’t care what people thought about me. I learned that the hard way. As a leader, caring too much about people’s opinions of you will only always bring you down. I answer to One at the end of the day, and His opinion is all I cared about. And I knew it was His dream.

I was listening to music one day, and a whole vision unfolded. The storyline to our production, the dancers, the music. Then I started writing the pieces that would accompany it for the spoken word portions. It was His from the beginning.

So when they said, “That’ll never work,” God winked at me and said, “Watch this.”

It was like a reward for being a girl with God-sized dreams. It blew me away. It still feels like an actual dream that we got to bring a group of girls to the U.S. and travel around Wisconsin, performing and multiplying souls, being witnesses of God’s healing power and hope even in the darkest moments.

And now it’s 2024, and my dream life is Lucia, almost 13 now, still snuggled up next to me but making the same sassy face from when she was two; Benji still giving me sweet kisses on the cheek and knowing every time I’m not okay, the same sweet smile and eyes of that baby boy I used to rock to sleep. It’s the girls taking turns to help clean the house or give me a massage after they can see I’ve been stressed or overloaded. It’s the messages from the grads checking in on me. It’s the best sound in the world – every day: their laughter. I could bottle it up and sell it, no joke. It’s the best feeling in the world – their hugs, tight and wrapped like the arms of an angel. My grandbaby squeezing my finger and giggling at me. It’s the best sight – their gorgeous, jaw-dropping smiles. Watching her love her child in a way she was never loved herself at that age. It’s the best smell – walking into the kitchen on a bad day, and suddenly life makes sense again! And it’s the best taste – a wedding cake, cut and shared in the presence of the entire Hosea’s Heart family, the wedding of our first child, taking place in our own home; eyes full of tears but heart full of swelling gratitude. This life – it’s bread from heaven, a provision only God can give.

A dream fulfilled at the close of one decade.

And a new decade

giving birth to the dream yet to come.